I am disappointed by the despicable behavior of many young women today. Using COCKS as trampolines and using their mouths as dirt devils. Ladies don’t degrade yourself; marriage yourself.
I love my friends,
KD
Monday, March 31, 2008
Thirteen
I am the tragic downfall
The great unwilling
I am no one’s happily ever after.
I am heartbreak and nightfall.
Fire in the Amazon.
Black ice on bridges
The grass stain on your knees
I am your walk home from school
The razor blade beneath your mattress
I am your missed period.
Your walk to the clinic
The unwanted child
The thought of abortion
I am your mother’s disappointment
Your fathers orgasmic let down
The ghost of your little sisters heroine
I am the curse of a generation
I am your failure
I am your lost dreams
Failed ambition
I am Tuesdays gossip
Wednesdays morning sickness
I am your stretch marks
Used maternity clothes
I am your stereotype
The one you warned your sons about
The slut
A whore
The tramp
I am
Someone’s princess
Someone’s spitting image
Someone’s Mother.
I am thirteen.
The great unwilling
I am no one’s happily ever after.
I am heartbreak and nightfall.
Fire in the Amazon.
Black ice on bridges
The grass stain on your knees
I am your walk home from school
The razor blade beneath your mattress
I am your missed period.
Your walk to the clinic
The unwanted child
The thought of abortion
I am your mother’s disappointment
Your fathers orgasmic let down
The ghost of your little sisters heroine
I am the curse of a generation
I am your failure
I am your lost dreams
Failed ambition
I am Tuesdays gossip
Wednesdays morning sickness
I am your stretch marks
Used maternity clothes
I am your stereotype
The one you warned your sons about
The slut
A whore
The tramp
I am
Someone’s princess
Someone’s spitting image
Someone’s Mother.
I am thirteen.
Sunday, March 30, 2008
Feet, Piss and Leather
Yes, I’m talking about fetishes. Whatever gets you off. And no I do enjoy feet, piss, or leather ( I do have a leather coat but I would never wear it to have sex, its to precious.)
I have a fetish or maybe not a fetish because I’m not sexually turned on by it, but I definitely have a vice. That vice is chewing straws. It use to be chewing the back of ink pens. My mom feared that I would die of ink poisoning so now I chew straws. I thought it was normal. My friends think its quite strange. Chewing straws is relaxing. Its better than gum because it doesn’t rot you teeth. Its like a zero calorie snack. I stole a bunch from the cafe today. I can chew on them for days.
Chomping away,
KD
I have a fetish or maybe not a fetish because I’m not sexually turned on by it, but I definitely have a vice. That vice is chewing straws. It use to be chewing the back of ink pens. My mom feared that I would die of ink poisoning so now I chew straws. I thought it was normal. My friends think its quite strange. Chewing straws is relaxing. Its better than gum because it doesn’t rot you teeth. Its like a zero calorie snack. I stole a bunch from the cafe today. I can chew on them for days.
Chomping away,
KD
The Weekend The Sun Forgot
Rain, Rain, Go Away! Come back to keep us out of a drought.
You would think that a week that started with perfect spring weather would end the exact same way. It doesn’t. Especially in good ol’ bi-polar ass North Carolina weather. This is why after graduation I’m packing my shit and moving back north. To where winter is winter, spring is spring, and you get the rest.
This weekend as uneventful as it was was actually quite chill, except the fact that I haven’t taken my Zyrtec in 2 days and the earliest I’ve been to sleep is 5 am. It was nice. Nothing out of the ordinary. I got a number. we txted, we chatted. I realized that some people just look cute from a distance (Is that wrong?). I ran into another one. This one not so appealing up close, but speaks like a God. I’m a sucker for words. I’d rather have a well spoken idiot then and stuttering genius. Call me crazy.
Today is Sunday. Day 3. No sunshine. I kinda miss it. The rain makes me think to much. I don’t want to think today. I need to clean, read and organize. I need to think.
2 weeks till payday,
KD
You would think that a week that started with perfect spring weather would end the exact same way. It doesn’t. Especially in good ol’ bi-polar ass North Carolina weather. This is why after graduation I’m packing my shit and moving back north. To where winter is winter, spring is spring, and you get the rest.
This weekend as uneventful as it was was actually quite chill, except the fact that I haven’t taken my Zyrtec in 2 days and the earliest I’ve been to sleep is 5 am. It was nice. Nothing out of the ordinary. I got a number. we txted, we chatted. I realized that some people just look cute from a distance (Is that wrong?). I ran into another one. This one not so appealing up close, but speaks like a God. I’m a sucker for words. I’d rather have a well spoken idiot then and stuttering genius. Call me crazy.
Today is Sunday. Day 3. No sunshine. I kinda miss it. The rain makes me think to much. I don’t want to think today. I need to clean, read and organize. I need to think.
2 weeks till payday,
KD
Friday, March 28, 2008
Working Ms. Piggy
Have you ever had someone not like you because you refuesd to tell them your inner most secrets?
Have not liked someone because every question they asked was like they wanted to know about every aspect of you life just so they could turn it into water cooler gossip?
It aggravates me that I have to sit at the job (that I once loved) and be this cold shell of myself. It’s the only way I know to keep my cool. Maybe, its not the best thing in the world. It keeps me from losing my temper, but maybe that’s what I need to do.
I might just need a new job. To separates myself from this whirlpool of fake smiles and half hearted hello’s. This is not me. This is not who I want to become at all! In all the jobs I’ve had I always tried to stay away from office politics. They always rubbed me the wrong way. There is something stomach churning about a bunch of adults giggling and gossiping. I thought it was something that people out grow. I’m trying to out grow it. Some days I succeed and others I don’t, at least I’m making an effort.
Is that something people out grow?
It can’t be hereditary…can it? (Now analyze parents bad habits)… I’m good. Then again I didn’t know my parents in their pre-me prime. I think I just made up a word “pre-me”. I like it, its cool.
That’s not even the real reason that I’m mad or writing this.
I’m really upset because I got played. Played real hard and it was so unnecessary. Its like wait. How are you giving me attitude when I’m not in the wrong, but it catches you so off guard that you sit and listen and almost believe that you are wrong. Then 3 seconds after you realize that you had an amazing come back. (I always come up with amazing comebacks after the fact.) Its my gift and my curse. It will help some friend in an argument later, it always does.
I’m angry because I let this lady get the best of me. She carried me soooo hard. For no reason. It’s going to fuck with my self-esteem all day. I promise.
She better not slip up before I leave. Because that killer come back I have is still locked and loaded.
textmessageless,
KD
Have not liked someone because every question they asked was like they wanted to know about every aspect of you life just so they could turn it into water cooler gossip?
It aggravates me that I have to sit at the job (that I once loved) and be this cold shell of myself. It’s the only way I know to keep my cool. Maybe, its not the best thing in the world. It keeps me from losing my temper, but maybe that’s what I need to do.
I might just need a new job. To separates myself from this whirlpool of fake smiles and half hearted hello’s. This is not me. This is not who I want to become at all! In all the jobs I’ve had I always tried to stay away from office politics. They always rubbed me the wrong way. There is something stomach churning about a bunch of adults giggling and gossiping. I thought it was something that people out grow. I’m trying to out grow it. Some days I succeed and others I don’t, at least I’m making an effort.
Is that something people out grow?
It can’t be hereditary…can it? (Now analyze parents bad habits)… I’m good. Then again I didn’t know my parents in their pre-me prime. I think I just made up a word “pre-me”. I like it, its cool.
That’s not even the real reason that I’m mad or writing this.
I’m really upset because I got played. Played real hard and it was so unnecessary. Its like wait. How are you giving me attitude when I’m not in the wrong, but it catches you so off guard that you sit and listen and almost believe that you are wrong. Then 3 seconds after you realize that you had an amazing come back. (I always come up with amazing comebacks after the fact.) Its my gift and my curse. It will help some friend in an argument later, it always does.
I’m angry because I let this lady get the best of me. She carried me soooo hard. For no reason. It’s going to fuck with my self-esteem all day. I promise.
She better not slip up before I leave. Because that killer come back I have is still locked and loaded.
textmessageless,
KD
Thursday, March 27, 2008
Untitled [Did I]
i.
You wore easy like,
Go Going Gone
Like I was afraid to love you
And not ready to own me
So our skin felt like
New leather gloves; stiff and foreign
ii.
I brought into the definition of
No Not Never
Because I refused to surrender
Would fight you like cancer and sleep at 6 am
This wasn’t supposed to last past Thursday
It ached to be Friday.
That was the end.
iii.
We were like
Loved Lived Life
Moon light at noon
Un-kept promises of spring
Forbidden drunken corner kisses
And moments apart felt like suicide at day break.
iv.
We bathed in
Fall Falling Fallen
Like common sense was a concept we couldn’t spell
Like Caution threw to the wind
Wrapped in a cumulus cloud
Just to be broken
And loving each other is all we knew.
You wore easy like,
Go Going Gone
Like I was afraid to love you
And not ready to own me
So our skin felt like
New leather gloves; stiff and foreign
ii.
I brought into the definition of
No Not Never
Because I refused to surrender
Would fight you like cancer and sleep at 6 am
This wasn’t supposed to last past Thursday
It ached to be Friday.
That was the end.
iii.
We were like
Loved Lived Life
Moon light at noon
Un-kept promises of spring
Forbidden drunken corner kisses
And moments apart felt like suicide at day break.
iv.
We bathed in
Fall Falling Fallen
Like common sense was a concept we couldn’t spell
Like Caution threw to the wind
Wrapped in a cumulus cloud
Just to be broken
And loving each other is all we knew.
Wednesday, March 26, 2008
Smokie the damn Bear better be out here...
Who ever decided that it would be a good idea to pull a campus wide fire drill @ 5:30 in the morning, please throw yourself into a lake. Wait, make that a brick wall.
You know how hard it is for me to find sleep and doctors couldn’t prescribe sleep like this. It was perfect. It wasn’t the tossing and turning kind of sleep that I usually have. It wasn’t even that dreaded dreaming sleep that usually involves x-men, serial killers and my mom dating aliens sleep. It was good sleep. DEAD people don’t sleep that good. Well, because dead people don’t sleep at all.
Then at 5:15 the trumpets start a soundin. I startle very easy. So loud noises other than my Amy Winehouse alarm tone and my alarm clock scare the shit out of me. That fire alarm almost made me piss myself. I panicked. Its in the fucking morning. I have to pee. and I can’t find my pants. I found my cell phone but not my pants. I rush out of my room. I locked my door (because firemen can be thief’s too) and rush down stairs. Its cold. Cold and the pee-pee feeling don’t really work well together. WHAT THE FUCK!!!
All this for a fucking drill. No grease fire. No electrical malfunction. No blown up heater. No one fell asleep with a blunt/cigarette. A FUCKING DRILL. I’m 21 years old. I know how to properly use the fire exits. LEAVE ME TO MY SLEEP.
After the drill it took me a whole 2 hours to find sleep again. and this time it was full of dreams and tossing and turning and it fucking sucked. So that made me late for work. Then I had to deal with the lady with the permanent mustache that looks like that talking statue from “Night at the Museum”. This is just not a good day for me. So far anyway.
Fight Club is a good book. I fell bad for saying that because its creepy! But its really good. I might read it again over the summer. Sickeningly good! is sickeningly even a word. Who Cares?
It takes effort to stay this grounded,
KD
You know how hard it is for me to find sleep and doctors couldn’t prescribe sleep like this. It was perfect. It wasn’t the tossing and turning kind of sleep that I usually have. It wasn’t even that dreaded dreaming sleep that usually involves x-men, serial killers and my mom dating aliens sleep. It was good sleep. DEAD people don’t sleep that good. Well, because dead people don’t sleep at all.
Then at 5:15 the trumpets start a soundin. I startle very easy. So loud noises other than my Amy Winehouse alarm tone and my alarm clock scare the shit out of me. That fire alarm almost made me piss myself. I panicked. Its in the fucking morning. I have to pee. and I can’t find my pants. I found my cell phone but not my pants. I rush out of my room. I locked my door (because firemen can be thief’s too) and rush down stairs. Its cold. Cold and the pee-pee feeling don’t really work well together. WHAT THE FUCK!!!
All this for a fucking drill. No grease fire. No electrical malfunction. No blown up heater. No one fell asleep with a blunt/cigarette. A FUCKING DRILL. I’m 21 years old. I know how to properly use the fire exits. LEAVE ME TO MY SLEEP.
After the drill it took me a whole 2 hours to find sleep again. and this time it was full of dreams and tossing and turning and it fucking sucked. So that made me late for work. Then I had to deal with the lady with the permanent mustache that looks like that talking statue from “Night at the Museum”. This is just not a good day for me. So far anyway.
Fight Club is a good book. I fell bad for saying that because its creepy! But its really good. I might read it again over the summer. Sickeningly good! is sickeningly even a word. Who Cares?
It takes effort to stay this grounded,
KD
Tuesday, March 25, 2008
Now What?
In reference to the “Cat’s Don’t Dance” post.
When you subtract all the ridiculous people from your life you discover boredom and that the ridiculous people made life a little more fun. It distracted me from the not excitement that is my life. Now I find my self trying to attach myself to something stable, but damn I miss the ridiculous. I know its only been two days. Maybe not even 2. More like one and a half. I still miss it.
I knew this wouldn’t be easy. It never is. I’ve done this several times. I always go back. I figured if I wrote it down and people read it, I would be less inclined to go back on my word. At least I’m hoping that’s what happens.
I’m just bored. Bored to death!
I would like to say that me being bored made me slightly more irritable and more creative and it frees my mind to allow me to do other things. or something like that. I just wish I knew how to balance things. Because I can’t keep writing about all of this self discovery its draining me. to think about it and to write it. and to reread. but this is the only place that will listen. So this is the only place that matters right now.
In class and angry and bored,
KD
When you subtract all the ridiculous people from your life you discover boredom and that the ridiculous people made life a little more fun. It distracted me from the not excitement that is my life. Now I find my self trying to attach myself to something stable, but damn I miss the ridiculous. I know its only been two days. Maybe not even 2. More like one and a half. I still miss it.
I knew this wouldn’t be easy. It never is. I’ve done this several times. I always go back. I figured if I wrote it down and people read it, I would be less inclined to go back on my word. At least I’m hoping that’s what happens.
I’m just bored. Bored to death!
I would like to say that me being bored made me slightly more irritable and more creative and it frees my mind to allow me to do other things. or something like that. I just wish I knew how to balance things. Because I can’t keep writing about all of this self discovery its draining me. to think about it and to write it. and to reread. but this is the only place that will listen. So this is the only place that matters right now.
In class and angry and bored,
KD
Monday, March 24, 2008
Cat's Don't Dance
Happy Easter. or not. depending on your religion. but forget that Happy Easter. I celebrate Easter and the Resurrection of my lord and savior Jesus Christ. Say what you want. and believe what you want. this is my blog.
So, this is not about Easter but about my uneventful 3 day holiday weekend. I can sum it up in a few words: drunk. food. dirt. cleaning. dirt. brownies. tattoos. strawberry shortcake (the cartoon not the food, and that’s an inside joke).lost keyes.txt messages. ring tones. confessions. sex. anger. tennis. church. cook out. house parties. and now homework. I know it sounds like fun but its wasn’t. If I added in the sleep and restlessness that would space everything so far out you would get bored reading this.
There was something more important that I discovered in the lonely of this weekend. I discovered me. Hidden somewhere in this mass I call a body.
This is what I discovered.
The truth only hurts when you run from it. Stare it in the face. Accept the consequence and the challenge and the change. I’m not going into detail about the situation but let me say that I haven’t give my friends credit for being amazingly strong and brilliant; they are. Even when the world gets the best of us. We share the awkward jagged line bond that no one can break. It’s us 3, against whatever the world has to throw at us.
This is not only about those 2 and truth, because the truth is I love a lot more than my conscience would allow me to admit. I love so much that it eats away at me from the inside because I fight so hard. and I fight this feelings everyday. I’m losing terribly. I’ve burned bridges I never knew existed and when I get to them I have to leap blindly and trust in what I’ve also fought against for so long.
Then this is not about the 2, friendship, bonds, love or religion. This is about my fight. fighting and putting my energy into things that have no value no substance no nourishment. I need to feed my soul something lasting and real and sweet. Its the only thing that will keep me alive. I’m done fighting the fact that I live this way because of me and my pride and my mistakes and my vanity.
This is me fighting the mirror. shattering it. to the point where I don’t recognize myself. this is me admitting my imperfections confessing them to the world (well almost). This is my my quite and my honesty. Rebuilding myself from the ground up.
So, I lied. This is about the 2 and friendship and bonds and religion and love.
This the aftermath of a hurricane that is my life. This is me killing off those things with in me that hold nothing. This is the search and rescue for that which comforts me in darkness and wakes me and holds me and lets me know that it’s ok.
This is about me. accepting. fighting. growing.
A partridge in a pear tree,
KD
So, this is not about Easter but about my uneventful 3 day holiday weekend. I can sum it up in a few words: drunk. food. dirt. cleaning. dirt. brownies. tattoos. strawberry shortcake (the cartoon not the food, and that’s an inside joke).lost keyes.txt messages. ring tones. confessions. sex. anger. tennis. church. cook out. house parties. and now homework. I know it sounds like fun but its wasn’t. If I added in the sleep and restlessness that would space everything so far out you would get bored reading this.
There was something more important that I discovered in the lonely of this weekend. I discovered me. Hidden somewhere in this mass I call a body.
This is what I discovered.
The truth only hurts when you run from it. Stare it in the face. Accept the consequence and the challenge and the change. I’m not going into detail about the situation but let me say that I haven’t give my friends credit for being amazingly strong and brilliant; they are. Even when the world gets the best of us. We share the awkward jagged line bond that no one can break. It’s us 3, against whatever the world has to throw at us.
This is not only about those 2 and truth, because the truth is I love a lot more than my conscience would allow me to admit. I love so much that it eats away at me from the inside because I fight so hard. and I fight this feelings everyday. I’m losing terribly. I’ve burned bridges I never knew existed and when I get to them I have to leap blindly and trust in what I’ve also fought against for so long.
Then this is not about the 2, friendship, bonds, love or religion. This is about my fight. fighting and putting my energy into things that have no value no substance no nourishment. I need to feed my soul something lasting and real and sweet. Its the only thing that will keep me alive. I’m done fighting the fact that I live this way because of me and my pride and my mistakes and my vanity.
This is me fighting the mirror. shattering it. to the point where I don’t recognize myself. this is me admitting my imperfections confessing them to the world (well almost). This is my my quite and my honesty. Rebuilding myself from the ground up.
So, I lied. This is about the 2 and friendship and bonds and religion and love.
This the aftermath of a hurricane that is my life. This is me killing off those things with in me that hold nothing. This is the search and rescue for that which comforts me in darkness and wakes me and holds me and lets me know that it’s ok.
This is about me. accepting. fighting. growing.
A partridge in a pear tree,
KD
Thursday, March 20, 2008
For the parking lot lames
WHO PARTIES ON WEDNESDAY?
IN THE FUCKING PARKING LOT?
IN FRONT OF MY WINDOW?
GO HOME GROUPIES!
GO HOME LAMES!
GO FUCKING HOME!
YOU DON’T EVEN LIVE ON THIS SIDE OF CAMPUS…
GO MAKE NOISE AND BE UNPRODUCTIVE OVER THERE…
I HAVE AN EXAM THAT I AM TRYING TO CRAM FOR.
YES, I KNOW ITS NOT YOUR FAULT THAT I WAITED UNTIL THE
LAST MINUET TO STUDY, BUT COULD YOU PLEASE SHUT THE
FUCK UP!!!
PLEASE AND THANK YOU,
KD
IN THE FUCKING PARKING LOT?
IN FRONT OF MY WINDOW?
GO HOME GROUPIES!
GO HOME LAMES!
GO FUCKING HOME!
YOU DON’T EVEN LIVE ON THIS SIDE OF CAMPUS…
GO MAKE NOISE AND BE UNPRODUCTIVE OVER THERE…
I HAVE AN EXAM THAT I AM TRYING TO CRAM FOR.
YES, I KNOW ITS NOT YOUR FAULT THAT I WAITED UNTIL THE
LAST MINUET TO STUDY, BUT COULD YOU PLEASE SHUT THE
FUCK UP!!!
PLEASE AND THANK YOU,
KD
One is the magic number
Right now I wish I could separate myself from myself (did that make any sense)
I mean I wish I could fold my self into myself and create a master piece, origami.
I wish I didn’t feel rejected right now.
I wish rejection wasn’t so lonely.
I don’t want to understand.
But I need to understand.
I need to be hired.
I don’t want to be not hired.
I take that back.
I’m not, not hired.
I’ve been wait listed
which is like rejection limbo.
More like a punch in my face
or to my ego.
and we all know how sensitive that is.
I don’t think anyone knows how much this job meant to me. It was freedom from the stress of always wondering which day the locks would chance, which semester would be the one I wouldn’t slide by. It sucks. It hurts.
I’m not used to rejection and I don’t like the word no. I guess this is one of those life lessons. The ones that make you stronger. But I didn’t ask for this lesson. Not now anyway. Is their some way I could re pack it and return it where it came from???
Where is that fucking easy button??
needing a break from reality,
KD
I mean I wish I could fold my self into myself and create a master piece, origami.
I wish I didn’t feel rejected right now.
I wish rejection wasn’t so lonely.
I don’t want to understand.
But I need to understand.
I need to be hired.
I don’t want to be not hired.
I take that back.
I’m not, not hired.
I’ve been wait listed
which is like rejection limbo.
More like a punch in my face
or to my ego.
and we all know how sensitive that is.
I don’t think anyone knows how much this job meant to me. It was freedom from the stress of always wondering which day the locks would chance, which semester would be the one I wouldn’t slide by. It sucks. It hurts.
I’m not used to rejection and I don’t like the word no. I guess this is one of those life lessons. The ones that make you stronger. But I didn’t ask for this lesson. Not now anyway. Is their some way I could re pack it and return it where it came from???
Where is that fucking easy button??
needing a break from reality,
KD
Tuesday, March 18, 2008
No matter what you say...
Me and my father have never had a father son “leave it to beaver” black and white fantasy relationship.
It was more like the typical rolling stone black father. Little boy wonders why daddy doesn’t love him or why mommy couldn’t make him stay. It was that 8 years after the fact relationship that forced to strong egos more alike than willing to admit, to clash and clash until the father disappeared deep in to drugs and stubbornness and the ignoring of responsibility.
The child grew bitter and cold and unloving and depressed.
The child grew and the father slowly crept his way out of the hole and tired to fix what was already broken and neither had the tools. Not then, not now. Blinded by mutual hardheadedness they tired to fix instead of start over.
So they clashed, and hurt, and never healed, and never wondered why. They just existed in chance meetings over holidays and traded cash for hugs never given and apologies that would never be made.
This is the cycle that we follow 21 years later and I can live with us as we are. Accept that things aren’t always picture perfect. I also understand that no matter what my father is mine, and I am of him, and I love him. Every track mark, unkept promise, and visit that was never made.
Its broken, yes, but its ours and we hold to it with every fiber that’s in us. We fight and repel and remember just to fight and repel. its far from perfect, but again its ours…and no one can take it from me…
Claiming whats mine,
KD
It was more like the typical rolling stone black father. Little boy wonders why daddy doesn’t love him or why mommy couldn’t make him stay. It was that 8 years after the fact relationship that forced to strong egos more alike than willing to admit, to clash and clash until the father disappeared deep in to drugs and stubbornness and the ignoring of responsibility.
The child grew bitter and cold and unloving and depressed.
The child grew and the father slowly crept his way out of the hole and tired to fix what was already broken and neither had the tools. Not then, not now. Blinded by mutual hardheadedness they tired to fix instead of start over.
So they clashed, and hurt, and never healed, and never wondered why. They just existed in chance meetings over holidays and traded cash for hugs never given and apologies that would never be made.
This is the cycle that we follow 21 years later and I can live with us as we are. Accept that things aren’t always picture perfect. I also understand that no matter what my father is mine, and I am of him, and I love him. Every track mark, unkept promise, and visit that was never made.
Its broken, yes, but its ours and we hold to it with every fiber that’s in us. We fight and repel and remember just to fight and repel. its far from perfect, but again its ours…and no one can take it from me…
Claiming whats mine,
KD
Living on the edge...
Some days I just have the energy to write until my fingers cramp. I think that this is one of those days. It sure beats studying for my American lit exam…
I was one of those kids that swore they knew everything. I had a more Independence than most of my peers and that just automatically made me an expert on everything, even though I had never left the state (I’ve traveled lightly since then). I would tell you up and down the things that I would and would not do and swear that the way we did things in my home town is the only way. I know now that they way we do things where I’m from isn’t the only way…just 8/10 it’s the best way!
YES I REPRESENT DELAWARE!
If I could introduce my then to my now. How much they would disagree and marvel about how much they are alike. How much experience has shaped and molded me into this. Whatever simple and complex set of adjectives I would use to describe me. So, I read this note on dreaded facebook that was written by a freshman at my school. (Facebook was created by Satan; I don’t care what you say) And like me, she resided in Delaware but the slower lower part. I was angered me. She is constantly credited with being real and out spoken when in reality she knows nothing about nothing. It shows. I guess the blind really do lead the blind.
And this is not about putting down this young lady because I think she is extremely smart and has a lot of potential, but like that younger version of myself is stuck in the one way of thinking. She wants so easily to label things and but them in a place that works for her. Small minded, I know.
This could be about people being seduced by charm and a few big words. Words are powerful even seductive. Ever had phone-sex? That was a Joke! but this is not about impressionable people. And their following ways!
This is about remembering the person you were and loving who you are now. and the journey from then to now. And how the scars and scrapes have different meanings. But still feel the same.
I just remember when that was me. Opinionated loud and unaware. Inexperienced. Hell, I still am inexperienced, I just now know when its time to shut up and live.
And live is what I’m doing.
Living on the edge or something like that!
Not fearing too much anymore, except love and that’s another post all together!
past, present, future,
KD
I was one of those kids that swore they knew everything. I had a more Independence than most of my peers and that just automatically made me an expert on everything, even though I had never left the state (I’ve traveled lightly since then). I would tell you up and down the things that I would and would not do and swear that the way we did things in my home town is the only way. I know now that they way we do things where I’m from isn’t the only way…just 8/10 it’s the best way!
YES I REPRESENT DELAWARE!
If I could introduce my then to my now. How much they would disagree and marvel about how much they are alike. How much experience has shaped and molded me into this. Whatever simple and complex set of adjectives I would use to describe me. So, I read this note on dreaded facebook that was written by a freshman at my school. (Facebook was created by Satan; I don’t care what you say) And like me, she resided in Delaware but the slower lower part. I was angered me. She is constantly credited with being real and out spoken when in reality she knows nothing about nothing. It shows. I guess the blind really do lead the blind.
And this is not about putting down this young lady because I think she is extremely smart and has a lot of potential, but like that younger version of myself is stuck in the one way of thinking. She wants so easily to label things and but them in a place that works for her. Small minded, I know.
This could be about people being seduced by charm and a few big words. Words are powerful even seductive. Ever had phone-sex? That was a Joke! but this is not about impressionable people. And their following ways!
This is about remembering the person you were and loving who you are now. and the journey from then to now. And how the scars and scrapes have different meanings. But still feel the same.
I just remember when that was me. Opinionated loud and unaware. Inexperienced. Hell, I still am inexperienced, I just now know when its time to shut up and live.
And live is what I’m doing.
Living on the edge or something like that!
Not fearing too much anymore, except love and that’s another post all together!
past, present, future,
KD
Monday, March 17, 2008
Wake up and put on my strong face
I learned to love much like I learned how to write, by imitation and practice. I don’t know how good I’m at either. I am hoping to write that one great paragraph, stanza, and find that one true love.
Right now I have term papers filled with red marks and poems I think are trash, and a love life in ruin.
That won’t stop me. Not yet anyway.
In search of greatness,
KD
Right now I have term papers filled with red marks and poems I think are trash, and a love life in ruin.
That won’t stop me. Not yet anyway.
In search of greatness,
KD
Friday, March 14, 2008
Thursday
Yesterday was Thursday. It’s just another day. The last time I wrote about Thursday love was in the air (check out that post). This Thursday, not so much. It was a Thursday that Jill Scott talked about. Perfection. Not to hot, not to cold, just enough breeze, just enough sun. It was one of those days that people just needed to be outside and doing something. Since I am always one to practice what I preach. I did something. I sat out side with my black Irish friend and painted. She’s a real artist. I…not so much. And it was good. It was cool like the weather.
I did a bunch of other stuff too but that’s of no importance. Now I’m am fixing my resume and cover letter with the help of my best friend and txting my crazy cousin and I’m about to read for a class that I have at 2 and I have work at 9 but I still need a shower and its almost 5 in the morning! Just another normal night for me.
Getting ready for St. Patty’s Day,
KD
Tuesday, March 11, 2008
Jill Scott, The Amazing, and The Asthma Attack
Third times the charm. Becasuse Jill is…
amazing.
phenomonial.
sesual.
breath taking.
pitch perfect.
crowd pleasing.
fanFUCKINGTASTIC.
one woman show.
oh, yeah Musiq and Raheem were good too but I prefer them more on cd than live.
I’m telling you, Jill was so good the girl next to us had to break out her inhaler. I’ve never see a fucking inhaler at a concert. Isn’t that considered contraband. I mean if a fight breaks out she could of sprayed someone in the eye with albuterol. (Its OK that I made that joke I know people with asthma!)
The drinks were good. Expensive, but good. It’s also kind of hard to mess up vodka and cranberry juice.
The other events of the night were not worth mentioning because the would just make me angry.
making plans for summer and enjoying unlimited texting,
KD
amazing.
phenomonial.
sesual.
breath taking.
pitch perfect.
crowd pleasing.
fanFUCKINGTASTIC.
one woman show.
oh, yeah Musiq and Raheem were good too but I prefer them more on cd than live.
I’m telling you, Jill was so good the girl next to us had to break out her inhaler. I’ve never see a fucking inhaler at a concert. Isn’t that considered contraband. I mean if a fight breaks out she could of sprayed someone in the eye with albuterol. (Its OK that I made that joke I know people with asthma!)
The drinks were good. Expensive, but good. It’s also kind of hard to mess up vodka and cranberry juice.
The other events of the night were not worth mentioning because the would just make me angry.
making plans for summer and enjoying unlimited texting,
KD
Check Out My Melody,,,
I started this playlist and some how got sidetracked but I wanted to post anyway. SO HERE:
I’m bored on day 3 of spring break! and I’ve already written 2 poems and a regular post. Now I need a playlist. I want to share with the world all the joy and the pains of my itunes. Ok, side bar. Its funny that I have itunes and no ipod. I don’t know its just trendy to have itunes!
without further ado my Top _ _ _(until I can’t think of any more songs) List (in no particular order):
1. Its Love- Jill Scott
2. This Christmas- Donnie Hathaway
3. Heaven- Bebe & Cece Winans
4. Before I Let G0- Frankie Beverly and Maze
5. Wild Horses- Alicia Keys & Adam Levine version
6. Motherless Child- John Legend
7. Diamonds and Perals- Prince
8. Chokin’ Kind- Joss Stone
9. Love Won’t Let Me Wait- Luther Vandross
10. Breathless- Corinne Bailey Rae
11. After the Love is Gone- Earth Wind and Fire
12. Walk in my Shoes- Emily King
13. Never felt this way- Brian McKnight
14. Summer Rain- Carl Thomas
15. Doesn’t Even Matter- Laurny Hill & Deangelo
16. Yeyo- Erykah Badu
17. I Keep- Jill Scott
18. Couldn’t Hear Me- Eric Roberson
19. Come Back- Algebra
20. Weary- Amel Larrieux
21. Call Me When You Get This- Bilal
22. The Voice Within- Christiana Aguleria
23. Gone- Nsync
24. Learn to Fly- Foo Fighters
25. If I Ruled The World- Lauryn Hill & Nas
26. Gotta Have It- Beanie Segal & Peedie Crack
27. When I Get You Alone- Robin Thicke
28. Perfect- Simple Plan
29. State of my Heart- Latoya London
30. The Definition- Mos Def & Talib Kweli
31. I Write Sins Not Tragedies- Panic at the Disco
32. Here We Go- OkGo
33. I Want You- Erykah Badu
34. I Know- Jay-Z
35. Go-Go Gadget Flow- Lupe Fiasco
36. At This Time- Algebra
37. Bohemian Raphosody- Queen
And yes I know that people don’t have top 37’s but it would be wrong to add songs that weren’t on my mind when I originally wrote this.
I’m bored on day 3 of spring break! and I’ve already written 2 poems and a regular post. Now I need a playlist. I want to share with the world all the joy and the pains of my itunes. Ok, side bar. Its funny that I have itunes and no ipod. I don’t know its just trendy to have itunes!
without further ado my Top _ _ _(until I can’t think of any more songs) List (in no particular order):
1. Its Love- Jill Scott
2. This Christmas- Donnie Hathaway
3. Heaven- Bebe & Cece Winans
4. Before I Let G0- Frankie Beverly and Maze
5. Wild Horses- Alicia Keys & Adam Levine version
6. Motherless Child- John Legend
7. Diamonds and Perals- Prince
8. Chokin’ Kind- Joss Stone
9. Love Won’t Let Me Wait- Luther Vandross
10. Breathless- Corinne Bailey Rae
11. After the Love is Gone- Earth Wind and Fire
12. Walk in my Shoes- Emily King
13. Never felt this way- Brian McKnight
14. Summer Rain- Carl Thomas
15. Doesn’t Even Matter- Laurny Hill & Deangelo
16. Yeyo- Erykah Badu
17. I Keep- Jill Scott
18. Couldn’t Hear Me- Eric Roberson
19. Come Back- Algebra
20. Weary- Amel Larrieux
21. Call Me When You Get This- Bilal
22. The Voice Within- Christiana Aguleria
23. Gone- Nsync
24. Learn to Fly- Foo Fighters
25. If I Ruled The World- Lauryn Hill & Nas
26. Gotta Have It- Beanie Segal & Peedie Crack
27. When I Get You Alone- Robin Thicke
28. Perfect- Simple Plan
29. State of my Heart- Latoya London
30. The Definition- Mos Def & Talib Kweli
31. I Write Sins Not Tragedies- Panic at the Disco
32. Here We Go- OkGo
33. I Want You- Erykah Badu
34. I Know- Jay-Z
35. Go-Go Gadget Flow- Lupe Fiasco
36. At This Time- Algebra
37. Bohemian Raphosody- Queen
And yes I know that people don’t have top 37’s but it would be wrong to add songs that weren’t on my mind when I originally wrote this.
Langston Hughes- Demoracy
I read this poem today in my one of my lit classes. I dare someone to tell me it doesn’t hit hard.
Democracy
Democracy will not come
Today, this year
Nor Ever
Through compromise and fear.
I have as much right
As the other fellow has
To stand
On my two feet
And own the land.
I tire so of hearing people say,
Let things take their course.
Tomorrow is another day.
I do not need my freedom when I’m dead.
I cannot live on tomorrow’s bread.
Freedom
Is a strong seed
Planted
In a great need.
I live here, too.
I want freedom
Just as you.
– Langston Hughes
Voting is necessary!
KD
Democracy
Democracy will not come
Today, this year
Nor Ever
Through compromise and fear.
I have as much right
As the other fellow has
To stand
On my two feet
And own the land.
I tire so of hearing people say,
Let things take their course.
Tomorrow is another day.
I do not need my freedom when I’m dead.
I cannot live on tomorrow’s bread.
Freedom
Is a strong seed
Planted
In a great need.
I live here, too.
I want freedom
Just as you.
– Langston Hughes
Voting is necessary!
KD
Thursday, March 6, 2008
What Happened to Maternal Instinct
When I was in high school I always imagined college spring break to be this decadent liquor filled week. Lavish vacations to sunny tropical places. 4 people in a room with two twin sized beds, but the beds didn’t matter because sleep was not permitted. Make outs and bar fights and Jerry springer (yes, I watched a lot of MTV when I was in high school. So What?) But never any black people, but that’s another story.
That’s what I wanted plus black people. I’m now 3 years into my college education and I have yet to see the sunrise off the coast of anything but Delaware, but is cool because its spring break. And I break hard! I relax and get away from the stress and drama of dorm life and overly processed food. I still want a mojito @ beach front hotels.
Sorry for that tangent.
I didn’t get my tropical get away and I’m stuck at home helping my mother nurture little ones and I don’t mind to much. She has some of the coolest little ones you will ever meet. But this is not about them either. Well it is a little.
Its really about television. Children’s Television. We all have our favorite educational children’s TV show. the ones that tuaght us about sharing and colors and number and made us cry and beg for their toys at Christmas time. The kids at my moms daycare are no different and have somehow attached to this character Calliou.
This little bald-head fucker is a brain wash! I promise! The sad part is that its not even trying to brainwash the kids its the parents that the show is trying to brain wash. The little boy plucks my damn nerves. His parent just let his ass run around. He talks back. He’s always damn experimenting. And the parents don’t say shit. They always speak in this calm soft voice as to not upset the child. They try and identify with his emotions. They never reprimand they always bargain. The little fucker is 3. Tell his ass to sit down and stop touching stuff.
Maybe I don’t understand because I don’t have children of my own. But I’m saying, what happened to when parents were parents and children were children? and TV didn’t try to influence how you raised or taught your kid.
I think all parent with small children should boycott this show.
NO CALLIOU!!!!
DON’T WATCH IT.
DON’T YOU DO IT.
STICK TO SESAME STREET AND BARNEY.
YOU CAN NEVER GO WRONG WITH COOKIE MONSTER AND BIG BIRD AND SUNALUFFAGOUS ( I KNOW I SPELLED THAT WRONG!)
having hope for the future and that Calliou gets cancled,
KD
That’s what I wanted plus black people. I’m now 3 years into my college education and I have yet to see the sunrise off the coast of anything but Delaware, but is cool because its spring break. And I break hard! I relax and get away from the stress and drama of dorm life and overly processed food. I still want a mojito @ beach front hotels.
Sorry for that tangent.
I didn’t get my tropical get away and I’m stuck at home helping my mother nurture little ones and I don’t mind to much. She has some of the coolest little ones you will ever meet. But this is not about them either. Well it is a little.
Its really about television. Children’s Television. We all have our favorite educational children’s TV show. the ones that tuaght us about sharing and colors and number and made us cry and beg for their toys at Christmas time. The kids at my moms daycare are no different and have somehow attached to this character Calliou.
This little bald-head fucker is a brain wash! I promise! The sad part is that its not even trying to brainwash the kids its the parents that the show is trying to brain wash. The little boy plucks my damn nerves. His parent just let his ass run around. He talks back. He’s always damn experimenting. And the parents don’t say shit. They always speak in this calm soft voice as to not upset the child. They try and identify with his emotions. They never reprimand they always bargain. The little fucker is 3. Tell his ass to sit down and stop touching stuff.
Maybe I don’t understand because I don’t have children of my own. But I’m saying, what happened to when parents were parents and children were children? and TV didn’t try to influence how you raised or taught your kid.
I think all parent with small children should boycott this show.
NO CALLIOU!!!!
DON’T WATCH IT.
DON’T YOU DO IT.
STICK TO SESAME STREET AND BARNEY.
YOU CAN NEVER GO WRONG WITH COOKIE MONSTER AND BIG BIRD AND SUNALUFFAGOUS ( I KNOW I SPELLED THAT WRONG!)
having hope for the future and that Calliou gets cancled,
KD
Wednesday, March 5, 2008
Smooth like your wood grain interior...
Over Christmas break I was introduced to Estelle via VH1Soul. It was cool. Little soul little hip hop. kinda catchy. I watched her little performance with John Legend on his little holiday special (he had a full sized piano not like the flop at the Grammys) She was dope. She was sassy and engaging and had talent and was fly. and there was nothing else that needed to be said I was hooked.
I just got finished watching the American Boy video with Kanye West. and now I am desperately waiting for her album to drop. Yes, I get excited over things like this.
I haven’t been this excited about an cd dropping since Erykah. and that was only last Tuesday!
Damn the British for having such great soul singers. First Joss and Amy, now Estelle.
in need of proactive for this huge pimple on my forehead,
KD
I just got finished watching the American Boy video with Kanye West. and now I am desperately waiting for her album to drop. Yes, I get excited over things like this.
I haven’t been this excited about an cd dropping since Erykah. and that was only last Tuesday!
Damn the British for having such great soul singers. First Joss and Amy, now Estelle.
in need of proactive for this huge pimple on my forehead,
KD
Sunday, March 2, 2008
I'll Sleep when I'm dead/ The air smells familiar
I aware of the fact that I’ve made 3 post in a matter of hours. FUCK OFF. Before I tried to sleep for 2 hours before church. I just wanted to say that I’m going to see Jill Scott on FRIDAY!! TALK ABOUT FUCKING EXCITED!!!!!! WHooooooooooooooooooooooooo’s not about to see Jill?
anticipation is working my nerves and I still can’t sleep,
KD
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
There is something about home that always makes my world right, but it leaves me restless at the same time. I can’t sleep but I never do. But its not the same not sleeping that occurs in dorm rooms in borrowed walls. These walls, this air, this space is mine. It might be my minds way of making sure I cherish these moments of silence and clarity. Here there is no expectation. Home just is. Even with all the stresses of life that remain, Home just is. I don’t know how to describe it. IT JUST IS.
These hard wood floors hold more history than my brain can. The days lost, the ones I wished my mind would cling to. They are here. Spilled drinks and furniture moving. the red, grey, black paint droplets. The missing patch of dry wall above the light switch, the nail holes from pictures and hobbies past. The small stuffed closet and the clothes that aren’t even mine but it doesn’t matter. This space. These walls are mine. They hold first kisses, after school rendezvous, unsuspecting death tears, adolescent depression, homework, and late night phone conversations.
If these walls could talk they would say nothing. They know how to keep secrets. Far better than me.That’s why this space is safe.
Still not sleeping but happy,
KD
anticipation is working my nerves and I still can’t sleep,
KD
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
There is something about home that always makes my world right, but it leaves me restless at the same time. I can’t sleep but I never do. But its not the same not sleeping that occurs in dorm rooms in borrowed walls. These walls, this air, this space is mine. It might be my minds way of making sure I cherish these moments of silence and clarity. Here there is no expectation. Home just is. Even with all the stresses of life that remain, Home just is. I don’t know how to describe it. IT JUST IS.
These hard wood floors hold more history than my brain can. The days lost, the ones I wished my mind would cling to. They are here. Spilled drinks and furniture moving. the red, grey, black paint droplets. The missing patch of dry wall above the light switch, the nail holes from pictures and hobbies past. The small stuffed closet and the clothes that aren’t even mine but it doesn’t matter. This space. These walls are mine. They hold first kisses, after school rendezvous, unsuspecting death tears, adolescent depression, homework, and late night phone conversations.
If these walls could talk they would say nothing. They know how to keep secrets. Far better than me.That’s why this space is safe.
Still not sleeping but happy,
KD
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