Cat's Don't Dance

Happy Easter. or not. depending on your religion. but forget that Happy Easter. I celebrate Easter and the Resurrection of my lord and savior Jesus Christ. Say what you want. and believe what you want. this is my blog.

So, this is not about Easter but about my uneventful 3 day holiday weekend. I can sum it up in a few words: drunk. food. dirt. cleaning. dirt. brownies. tattoos. strawberry shortcake (the cartoon not the food, and that’s an inside joke).lost keyes.txt messages. ring tones. confessions. sex. anger. tennis. church. cook out. house parties. and now homework. I know it sounds like fun but its wasn’t. If I added in the sleep and restlessness that would space everything so far out you would get bored reading this.

There was something more important that I discovered in the lonely of this weekend. I discovered me. Hidden somewhere in this mass I call a body.

This is what I discovered.

The truth only hurts when you run from it. Stare it in the face. Accept the consequence and the challenge and the change. I’m not going into detail about the situation but let me say that I haven’t give my friends credit for being amazingly strong and brilliant; they are. Even when the world gets the best of us. We share the awkward jagged line bond that no one can break. It’s us 3, against whatever the world has to throw at us.

This is not only about those 2 and truth, because the truth is I love a lot more than my conscience would allow me to admit. I love so much that it eats away at me from the inside because I fight so hard. and I fight this feelings everyday. I’m losing terribly. I’ve burned bridges I never knew existed and when I get to them I have to leap blindly and trust in what I’ve also fought against for so long.

Then this is not about the 2, friendship, bonds, love or religion. This is about my fight. fighting and putting my energy into things that have no value no substance no nourishment. I need to feed my soul something lasting and real and sweet. Its the only thing that will keep me alive. I’m done fighting the fact that I live this way because of me and my pride and my mistakes and my vanity.

This is me fighting the mirror. shattering it. to the point where I don’t recognize myself. this is me admitting my imperfections confessing them to the world (well almost). This is my my quite and my honesty. Rebuilding myself from the ground up.

So, I lied. This is about the 2 and friendship and bonds and religion and love.

This the aftermath of a hurricane that is my life. This is me killing off those things with in me that hold nothing. This is the search and rescue for that which comforts me in darkness and wakes me and holds me and lets me know that it’s ok.

This is about me. accepting. fighting. growing.

A partridge in a pear tree,

KD