1. I hate people who say… “I don’t have time for drama or bullshit.” These people are usually full of shit.
2. My mother is the only person who can make me cry.
3. I hate having peanut butter stuck to the roof of my mouth.
4. I think being in love is an addiction like crack. Some people need to put the pipe down. Take that whatever way you want.
5. I dislike sweat pants or active wear period. I feel more comfortable working out in jeans and a t-shirt.
6. I’m in love with Whitney Port.
7. I like to trim my eyebrows.
8. I laugh harder when I’m the only person in the room.
9. Spicy Food is not the business.
10. I hate to see people that are 30 in the club trying to compete with college kids.
11. I hate the word nigga. I only call people Niggers and when I say I mean it in a mean racist way, not a “What’s up my nigga kinda way.
12. Grey Goose makes everything better.
13. I could be a straight A student if I wasn’t so lazy.
14. I don’t want to die in my sleep. I want to go out with a bang.
15. I would rock a Hermes or Prada man bag hard and dare someone to call me a name.
16. I like the fact that all my friends aren’t friends. And not enemies but just not friends. It gives me more freedom to mingle.
17. I’m kinda of a loner.
18. I diagnosed myself with depression.
19. I’ve always wanted to meet Chinua Achebe.
20. My Favorite teachers of all time are Mr. Foltz, Dr. Kirby, Dr. Bowers.
21. I hate roast beef.
22. I’m scared of heights.
23. I almost voted for John McCain just to see if it would make a difference. I didn’t.
24. I watch entirely too much television.
25. I’m having to much fun doing this.
Friday, January 30, 2009
And If you don't know...Now you know...
I think I did one of these before...but this one is just as fun...
Rules: Once you've been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 25 random things, facts, feelings, habits, or goals about you. At the end, choose 25 people to be tagged. You have to tag the person who tagged you. If I tagged you, it's because I want to know more about you or I'd like you to know more about me.
1. I hate walking into crowded rooms. Even If I know everyone there the shit makes me nervous. I break out in a cold sweat and my eyes get to movin all around. This is the reason why I need to drink before I go to the club, and no I don’t need to drink to have fun. I need to drink to clam my nerves.
2. I notice everything. Even when I’m not watching, I’m watching. You think I didn’t notice that dirty look you gave me when I had my back turned…well I did and your mother’s a whore…and no not your mother, but you know what I’m talking about.
3. I’m fickle. Really fickle, and somehow it’s all tied up with me being an only child and semi-selfish, I just like to change my mind and shit. And if you ever called my phone and I just didn’t pick up for 3 weeks. Yeah…I’m fickle. I’m sorry…kinda.
4. I have no sense of money management. I will probably have the worst credit ever, but I will never suffer from buyer’s remorse.
5. I’ve seen every episode of the Cosby show more than twice in my life.
6. I can hold a grudge like nobody’s business. It’s kinda petty but whatever.
7. I hate family holidays like Christmas and Thanksgiving because I only like ¾ of my family.
8. I hate washing dishes.
9. I cheated on a spelling test in the first grade. That was the last time I got caught…not that I cheat anymore because I’m really smart.
10. I always hesitate answering my phone when I see a number I don’t know. I’ve prank called 1 to many people in my life.
11. If I like you I can remember every outfit you’ve ever worn. That’s how I keep track of memoires. Ask me what you had on that time it rained and we went to the movies…I bet you I remember.
12. I hate repeating outfits. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. Only because when I was a freshman in high school I only had 5 good outfits and I wore them every week. When I got my first job I vowed to never wear the same outfit twice in a month. I’ve been more than consistent.
13. I like to curse. I’ve been cursing longer than I’ve been reading chapter books.
14. I set a car on fire when I was like 9 or 10 and for years I was scared to talk about it because I thought I would go to jail.
15. I would watch Laguna Beach, The Hill, The City, or Sex in the City before I watch anything on BET.
16. I’ve only had 6 real crushes in my life.
17. I don’t like the word commitment. I can’t even type it with out breaking out in hives.
18. I hate my name. I’ve never liked it. When people compliment me on it I want to smack them, but I can’t. I would change it but I can’t commit to any other name I like.
19. I love Asian people. Not Kimora Lee Simmons but real Asian people like Prudence from Across The Universe.
20. I like stealing pens from the doctor’s office. My favorites are the ones that treat std’s. Yeah. Valtrex much.
21. I can’t decided it I believe in Karma. I think I do, but only when bad stuff is happening to other people. Yeah…messed up I know.
22. This is taking entirely too long.
23. I’ve always wanted a Dalmatian named Bijou.
24. I like to DRINK. DRINK. DRINK. DRINK. And no I don’t have a problem because for a long time I hated drinking. Now I LOVE IT. LOVE IT. LOVE IT.
25. I always tell people I’m an only child but I really have a sister. I just don’t like her or her children. I am no ones uncle.
Rules: Once you've been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 25 random things, facts, feelings, habits, or goals about you. At the end, choose 25 people to be tagged. You have to tag the person who tagged you. If I tagged you, it's because I want to know more about you or I'd like you to know more about me.
1. I hate walking into crowded rooms. Even If I know everyone there the shit makes me nervous. I break out in a cold sweat and my eyes get to movin all around. This is the reason why I need to drink before I go to the club, and no I don’t need to drink to have fun. I need to drink to clam my nerves.
2. I notice everything. Even when I’m not watching, I’m watching. You think I didn’t notice that dirty look you gave me when I had my back turned…well I did and your mother’s a whore…and no not your mother, but you know what I’m talking about.
3. I’m fickle. Really fickle, and somehow it’s all tied up with me being an only child and semi-selfish, I just like to change my mind and shit. And if you ever called my phone and I just didn’t pick up for 3 weeks. Yeah…I’m fickle. I’m sorry…kinda.
4. I have no sense of money management. I will probably have the worst credit ever, but I will never suffer from buyer’s remorse.
5. I’ve seen every episode of the Cosby show more than twice in my life.
6. I can hold a grudge like nobody’s business. It’s kinda petty but whatever.
7. I hate family holidays like Christmas and Thanksgiving because I only like ¾ of my family.
8. I hate washing dishes.
9. I cheated on a spelling test in the first grade. That was the last time I got caught…not that I cheat anymore because I’m really smart.
10. I always hesitate answering my phone when I see a number I don’t know. I’ve prank called 1 to many people in my life.
11. If I like you I can remember every outfit you’ve ever worn. That’s how I keep track of memoires. Ask me what you had on that time it rained and we went to the movies…I bet you I remember.
12. I hate repeating outfits. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. Only because when I was a freshman in high school I only had 5 good outfits and I wore them every week. When I got my first job I vowed to never wear the same outfit twice in a month. I’ve been more than consistent.
13. I like to curse. I’ve been cursing longer than I’ve been reading chapter books.
14. I set a car on fire when I was like 9 or 10 and for years I was scared to talk about it because I thought I would go to jail.
15. I would watch Laguna Beach, The Hill, The City, or Sex in the City before I watch anything on BET.
16. I’ve only had 6 real crushes in my life.
17. I don’t like the word commitment. I can’t even type it with out breaking out in hives.
18. I hate my name. I’ve never liked it. When people compliment me on it I want to smack them, but I can’t. I would change it but I can’t commit to any other name I like.
19. I love Asian people. Not Kimora Lee Simmons but real Asian people like Prudence from Across The Universe.
20. I like stealing pens from the doctor’s office. My favorites are the ones that treat std’s. Yeah. Valtrex much.
21. I can’t decided it I believe in Karma. I think I do, but only when bad stuff is happening to other people. Yeah…messed up I know.
22. This is taking entirely too long.
23. I’ve always wanted a Dalmatian named Bijou.
24. I like to DRINK. DRINK. DRINK. DRINK. And no I don’t have a problem because for a long time I hated drinking. Now I LOVE IT. LOVE IT. LOVE IT.
25. I always tell people I’m an only child but I really have a sister. I just don’t like her or her children. I am no ones uncle.
Thursday, January 29, 2009
What the hell???
I love Jazmine Sullivan. I do. I do. I do. I just don't understand who keeps making her these horrible ass videos. I would rather see her standing against a black screen that these cheap ass graphics and mediocore clothing choices. I mean seriously! Her voice speaks for itself. Why are these video's so terrible? Lions and Tigers and Bears is quite possibly one of my favorite songs ever. Wtf is with the cheap ass lion and horrible Wizard of Oz refrence and lame ass regular ass extras. Where is the justice? Where is the peace? Where is a decent video?
Scared of horrible videos,
KD
Scared of horrible videos,
KD
Good Ol' Space
I love these damn surveys.
Who are you going to marry?
hopefully not a dumbass and some one who reads frequently.
Have your parents ever caught you drinking?
No, but I’m pretty sure they know I drink. I is grown.
What kind of phone do you have?
I rock my crackberry hard.
Do you like the color green?
No, my mom got a green carpet and we had a green couch. Since then I’ve had a strong dislike for the color green.
When was the last time you cried?
wow! I tried to make myself cry when I found out I wasn’t going back to school. It didn’t work out quite the way I hoped it would. I think I’m in need of a good cry.
Why were you crying?
ummm.
Want to go to heaven?
I wouldn’t mind it. Lol. Living suits me just fine. Yeah, I like living and breathing but I wouldn’t mind heaven.
Have you ever crawled through a window?
What? Back in my younger days, I used to crawl through the window everyday back in the sixth grade, but now we don’t lock doors.
What do you spend most of your money on?
clothes and food and sometimes….well, none of your business.
Is there a secret you've never told your parents?
The hell, I didn’t tell them, and I’m not about to spill my guts to you.
Who was the last person to text you?
Some lame that I have a semi-crush on.
Do you have unlimited texting?
What? I would die without it.
Have you ever had your nails done?
No, but I was sincerely tempted to get a manicure on NYE…It was only 10 dollars. It seemed like a bargin. I might get one.
Have you ever passed out?
Yes. One time at six flags in Baltimore and this summer at the Chrisette Michele and Raheem Devaugh concert.
Who have you texted in the last 24 hours?
the same people i always text.
What does your last outbox text say?
talk to me…
Is there something you wish you could tell someone but can't?
There is always something on the tip of my tongue.
What color shirt are you wearing?
Navy blue
Name three things that are close to you:
my crackberry, remote, big ass couch pillow.
What is the last book you read?
Daddy was a number
Do you enjoy sleeping late?
I enjoy it but I try not to. All the good talk shows come on in the morning.
What's the weather like right now?
Its that biting winter cold that I love and hate.
Who tells the best jokes?
my good friend Chali tells the corniest but the best jokes ever. Ask her about the pancake and the waffle.
Are you proud of yourself?
Sometimes. I have my moments. Then other times. I just want to spit at my own reflection.
Current favorite song?
That ting tings soong…don’t know my name. Remind me to buy that ring tone soon.
Are you reliable?
True Story…I’m fickle as FUCK!!!! I can’t help it. Sometime I just get some fuck it in my system and all the world has to take a back seat.
What’s your favorite food?
bread. Yeah. Lots and Lots of bread.
Have you ever had a secret admirer?
I always wanted one. I might have had one. I remember getting the sexy side eye from a few folks.
Do you like anyone at the moment?
Heck Yeah.
Do you like the smell of gasoline?
I dooooo.
Do you like to draw?
I scribble. I don’t think you can call what I do drawing.
What's your favorite invention?
the internet!
Is your room messy?
yes it is. It is. It is. I only clean every 19th Sunday.
What do you like better: Oranges or Apples?
oranges
Do you give in easily?
I’m an only child. I don’t know a such word.
Are you a good guesser?
I state facts.
Can you read other people's expressions?
Yeah most times. I’m never the person to watch the main event. I watch the shit going on around the right. That has nothing to do with that question, but whatever, don’t be sneaky….yeah I’m talking to you.
Are you a bully?
Sometimes. I’ve been called worse.
Do you have a job?
Next question.
What did you eat for breakfast this morning?
green beans and sketti.
What's your favorite day of the week and why?
Thursday.
Do you enjoy challenges?
Yeah. My life is a challenge and I enjoy that.
What is your favorite animal?
I’m always been a fan of Tigers.
Do you need to do laundry?
actually, yes!
Do you listen to the radio?
I don’t. I’m not in the car enough and I’m really picky about the songs I subject myself to.
Have you ever caught a butterfly?
NEXT
What's your ringtone?
Everboyd Nose- N.E.R.D
Who was the last person to make you laugh?
My mom!
Do you have any obsessions right now?
Chicken Nuggets. I just want them all the time.
What's your favorite scent?
Bora Bora and Lacoste for men.
Do you watch cartoons?
Family Guy and The Boondocks
Have you ever sat on a roof?
no. I always wanted to.
Have you ever been to a different country?
nah son,
Name three things in the world you dislike:
1. High ass tuition.
2.that were in a recession
3. Racism
Name three people in the world you dislike:
1. ******
2. *****
3. *****
Has a rumor ever been spread about you?
Yeah,
Do you hold grudges?
Its really petty but I do. I hold a hell of a grudge too! Wanna try me.
Who are you going to marry?
hopefully not a dumbass and some one who reads frequently.
Have your parents ever caught you drinking?
No, but I’m pretty sure they know I drink. I is grown.
What kind of phone do you have?
I rock my crackberry hard.
Do you like the color green?
No, my mom got a green carpet and we had a green couch. Since then I’ve had a strong dislike for the color green.
When was the last time you cried?
wow! I tried to make myself cry when I found out I wasn’t going back to school. It didn’t work out quite the way I hoped it would. I think I’m in need of a good cry.
Why were you crying?
ummm.
Want to go to heaven?
I wouldn’t mind it. Lol. Living suits me just fine. Yeah, I like living and breathing but I wouldn’t mind heaven.
Have you ever crawled through a window?
What? Back in my younger days, I used to crawl through the window everyday back in the sixth grade, but now we don’t lock doors.
What do you spend most of your money on?
clothes and food and sometimes….well, none of your business.
Is there a secret you've never told your parents?
The hell, I didn’t tell them, and I’m not about to spill my guts to you.
Who was the last person to text you?
Some lame that I have a semi-crush on.
Do you have unlimited texting?
What? I would die without it.
Have you ever had your nails done?
No, but I was sincerely tempted to get a manicure on NYE…It was only 10 dollars. It seemed like a bargin. I might get one.
Have you ever passed out?
Yes. One time at six flags in Baltimore and this summer at the Chrisette Michele and Raheem Devaugh concert.
Who have you texted in the last 24 hours?
the same people i always text.
What does your last outbox text say?
talk to me…
Is there something you wish you could tell someone but can't?
There is always something on the tip of my tongue.
What color shirt are you wearing?
Navy blue
Name three things that are close to you:
my crackberry, remote, big ass couch pillow.
What is the last book you read?
Daddy was a number
Do you enjoy sleeping late?
I enjoy it but I try not to. All the good talk shows come on in the morning.
What's the weather like right now?
Its that biting winter cold that I love and hate.
Who tells the best jokes?
my good friend Chali tells the corniest but the best jokes ever. Ask her about the pancake and the waffle.
Are you proud of yourself?
Sometimes. I have my moments. Then other times. I just want to spit at my own reflection.
Current favorite song?
That ting tings soong…don’t know my name. Remind me to buy that ring tone soon.
Are you reliable?
True Story…I’m fickle as FUCK!!!! I can’t help it. Sometime I just get some fuck it in my system and all the world has to take a back seat.
What’s your favorite food?
bread. Yeah. Lots and Lots of bread.
Have you ever had a secret admirer?
I always wanted one. I might have had one. I remember getting the sexy side eye from a few folks.
Do you like anyone at the moment?
Heck Yeah.
Do you like the smell of gasoline?
I dooooo.
Do you like to draw?
I scribble. I don’t think you can call what I do drawing.
What's your favorite invention?
the internet!
Is your room messy?
yes it is. It is. It is. I only clean every 19th Sunday.
What do you like better: Oranges or Apples?
oranges
Do you give in easily?
I’m an only child. I don’t know a such word.
Are you a good guesser?
I state facts.
Can you read other people's expressions?
Yeah most times. I’m never the person to watch the main event. I watch the shit going on around the right. That has nothing to do with that question, but whatever, don’t be sneaky….yeah I’m talking to you.
Are you a bully?
Sometimes. I’ve been called worse.
Do you have a job?
Next question.
What did you eat for breakfast this morning?
green beans and sketti.
What's your favorite day of the week and why?
Thursday.
Do you enjoy challenges?
Yeah. My life is a challenge and I enjoy that.
What is your favorite animal?
I’m always been a fan of Tigers.
Do you need to do laundry?
actually, yes!
Do you listen to the radio?
I don’t. I’m not in the car enough and I’m really picky about the songs I subject myself to.
Have you ever caught a butterfly?
NEXT
What's your ringtone?
Everboyd Nose- N.E.R.D
Who was the last person to make you laugh?
My mom!
Do you have any obsessions right now?
Chicken Nuggets. I just want them all the time.
What's your favorite scent?
Bora Bora and Lacoste for men.
Do you watch cartoons?
Family Guy and The Boondocks
Have you ever sat on a roof?
no. I always wanted to.
Have you ever been to a different country?
nah son,
Name three things in the world you dislike:
1. High ass tuition.
2.that were in a recession
3. Racism
Name three people in the world you dislike:
1. ******
2. *****
3. *****
Has a rumor ever been spread about you?
Yeah,
Do you hold grudges?
Its really petty but I do. I hold a hell of a grudge too! Wanna try me.
So I'm just saying...
Kanye is one Prada man bag and a pair of snake skin chaps away from being on the other side of the rainbow. I'm all for freedom of expression and men's fashion...but come on! Your doing to much sir. You look like a scene from Paris is Burning.
Keeping it 100,
KD
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
Ughhhh
My computer crashed for the second time in 6 months and this time I wasn't able to save anything...
Moment of Silence for my baby!
I'm way beyond pissed. I almost cried. Then on top of that someone tried to give me a free puppy and my mom said NO! (I feel real lame with that last statement) She was the cutest little pit bull pup you ever did see.
and its snowing. The snow wasn't that bad though. It was quite serene.
adopting dogs and laptops,
KD
Moment of Silence for my baby!
I'm way beyond pissed. I almost cried. Then on top of that someone tried to give me a free puppy and my mom said NO! (I feel real lame with that last statement) She was the cutest little pit bull pup you ever did see.
and its snowing. The snow wasn't that bad though. It was quite serene.
adopting dogs and laptops,
KD
Take a Step Back
WOW! I was on my way to checking e-mail and saw this article on the news ticker.The Article
I read the article and it saddened me. I can't imagine being a child in that house and not knowing what to do. I sit here now and say...yeah I would have ran and called the cops and did this and that. The reality is I could never put myself in that position. Those poor little brown girls and boys who will never know life. I feel for them. At the same time, I couldn't imagine being a parent in that house. I wouldn't have the courage to stand in from of my babies and hold a gun to their head, let alone muster up the courage to pull the trigger. How could you look them in the eye? How could you believe in your heart of hearts that this is what's best for them? I would chose life over death any day. Most people would. Then again, I can't imagine being a black man small children and a wife and no job. I can't imagine having to come home day after day and watch the cabinets go bare and watch things get cut off one by one. I can't imagine them looking at me wondering why daddy? why?
I grew up in a single family home and granted I had more than many of my other friends who lived in one parent homes we still struggled. I remember counting out change and taking it to the bank in exchange for dollars. There was a time when we didn't have enough money to buy gas to heat our house during the winter. I remember when I was 6 and we were staying with my grandmother and my mom was trying to buy this house how hard she struggled. Hell, I remember the worry my mother had when her factory closed down before she opened her home daycare. If I sat down and thought about it I could tell you 50 or 60 more times when life here in our happy home looked dim. I never saw it. My mom wouldn't let me. Even when I was old enough to know what's going on. She never broke but people are made different.
I know the struggle is real. I know how hard it is for families who actually need assistance to get it. I know that the welfare system is setup for the lazy and undeserving. That last statement may have been a bit harsh but its true. I can't name a person I know in the system that doesn't abuse it in someway. I know there were times when my mother could have actually used it and was denied because she made too much money.
I know the struggle is real. My mother only had one mouth to feed. Imagine how a man with 4 extra mouths to feed must feel. Imagine the stress that must have been put on him. And I'm not saying what he did is justified because he was wrong. Dead Wrong. He could have found another way because there is always another way.
It's just after reading the comments on that article they made him seem like this heartless animal. I don't believe he his. A murderer...yes...heartless I don't think so at all. I think he was a black man trying to do what he thought was best for his children. A black man who saw the reality of a failing economy and didn't want his children to suffer. And this is not about making him a hero. He's not by any mean.
ughhh never mind. I'm riding the fence and I don't want to. I want to say he's guilty but there should be someone willing to understand that type of pressure he was under. People are quick to say crazy broke black man or he should have waited for Barack to fix it. And shit like that pisses me off.
I'm going to stop now before I go on an angry fuck the white man and the establishment tangent.
Praying for the brown children,
KD
I read the article and it saddened me. I can't imagine being a child in that house and not knowing what to do. I sit here now and say...yeah I would have ran and called the cops and did this and that. The reality is I could never put myself in that position. Those poor little brown girls and boys who will never know life. I feel for them. At the same time, I couldn't imagine being a parent in that house. I wouldn't have the courage to stand in from of my babies and hold a gun to their head, let alone muster up the courage to pull the trigger. How could you look them in the eye? How could you believe in your heart of hearts that this is what's best for them? I would chose life over death any day. Most people would. Then again, I can't imagine being a black man small children and a wife and no job. I can't imagine having to come home day after day and watch the cabinets go bare and watch things get cut off one by one. I can't imagine them looking at me wondering why daddy? why?
I grew up in a single family home and granted I had more than many of my other friends who lived in one parent homes we still struggled. I remember counting out change and taking it to the bank in exchange for dollars. There was a time when we didn't have enough money to buy gas to heat our house during the winter. I remember when I was 6 and we were staying with my grandmother and my mom was trying to buy this house how hard she struggled. Hell, I remember the worry my mother had when her factory closed down before she opened her home daycare. If I sat down and thought about it I could tell you 50 or 60 more times when life here in our happy home looked dim. I never saw it. My mom wouldn't let me. Even when I was old enough to know what's going on. She never broke but people are made different.
I know the struggle is real. I know how hard it is for families who actually need assistance to get it. I know that the welfare system is setup for the lazy and undeserving. That last statement may have been a bit harsh but its true. I can't name a person I know in the system that doesn't abuse it in someway. I know there were times when my mother could have actually used it and was denied because she made too much money.
I know the struggle is real. My mother only had one mouth to feed. Imagine how a man with 4 extra mouths to feed must feel. Imagine the stress that must have been put on him. And I'm not saying what he did is justified because he was wrong. Dead Wrong. He could have found another way because there is always another way.
It's just after reading the comments on that article they made him seem like this heartless animal. I don't believe he his. A murderer...yes...heartless I don't think so at all. I think he was a black man trying to do what he thought was best for his children. A black man who saw the reality of a failing economy and didn't want his children to suffer. And this is not about making him a hero. He's not by any mean.
ughhh never mind. I'm riding the fence and I don't want to. I want to say he's guilty but there should be someone willing to understand that type of pressure he was under. People are quick to say crazy broke black man or he should have waited for Barack to fix it. And shit like that pisses me off.
I'm going to stop now before I go on an angry fuck the white man and the establishment tangent.
Praying for the brown children,
KD
Monday, January 26, 2009
Rant: Where I Won't Be...
This is my first official bspot post and its an angry one!
In 8 years this won't be me. Delaware will not be allowed to feed me oxygen. I want my air from somewhere else! I'll fucking move to Novia Scotia. And I love Delaware its home and it will always be home, but I can't live here. I've seen what it can do to people. I'm seeing what it does to people...and oh no it won't be me. I have another year tops in this place and I'm moving to NYC...even if I have to be homeless. Not eating or having steady shelter might do me some good. Might force me to stop pussy footing around. Enough about that.
I'm really trying to learn and love my family and accept them as the people that they are. Easier said then done. They just annoy me. I can't help it. I look at them and see so much more than this...one small town, and simple jobs, and even simple thoughts. I just wish they were a bit more motivated! It angers me because I'm starting to see these qualities in myself. It scares the shit out of me.
I don't want to be here. I had my foot out the door, half my damn body! Life was good. I saw my escape. My way out. Before you know it snap! Someone throws something at you that 1. not prepared for and 2. is completely in and out of your control.
Now your stuck here surrounded by a life you already knew you didn't want and the limited options to escape. It's sad. The people you once admired are now doing the same things and the same way. Where is the progression? Where? In a world that is so filled with possibilities, I can't wrap my fist around why anyone would want to stay here. If I could I would choke it.
part 2 coming soon. Too Pissed to finish this right now.
In 8 years this won't be me. Delaware will not be allowed to feed me oxygen. I want my air from somewhere else! I'll fucking move to Novia Scotia. And I love Delaware its home and it will always be home, but I can't live here. I've seen what it can do to people. I'm seeing what it does to people...and oh no it won't be me. I have another year tops in this place and I'm moving to NYC...even if I have to be homeless. Not eating or having steady shelter might do me some good. Might force me to stop pussy footing around. Enough about that.
I'm really trying to learn and love my family and accept them as the people that they are. Easier said then done. They just annoy me. I can't help it. I look at them and see so much more than this...one small town, and simple jobs, and even simple thoughts. I just wish they were a bit more motivated! It angers me because I'm starting to see these qualities in myself. It scares the shit out of me.
I don't want to be here. I had my foot out the door, half my damn body! Life was good. I saw my escape. My way out. Before you know it snap! Someone throws something at you that 1. not prepared for and 2. is completely in and out of your control.
Now your stuck here surrounded by a life you already knew you didn't want and the limited options to escape. It's sad. The people you once admired are now doing the same things and the same way. Where is the progression? Where? In a world that is so filled with possibilities, I can't wrap my fist around why anyone would want to stay here. If I could I would choke it.
part 2 coming soon. Too Pissed to finish this right now.
Saturday, January 24, 2009
Moving....
I got bored over at ol' wordpress so I decided to move, and here we are. Same ol confusion with better shutters.
I'm in the process of moving all my old post here. That could take years or it could never happen. A whole year of blog post, pictures and youtube clips is a lot to fuck with.
Here's the old address
Old Blog
packing tape,
KD
I'm in the process of moving all my old post here. That could take years or it could never happen. A whole year of blog post, pictures and youtube clips is a lot to fuck with.
Here's the old address
Old Blog
packing tape,
KD
I have a confession…or 3
I can bake my ass off.
I spent the past 2 or 3 hours in the kitchen baking them. Its for the funeral that I refuse to go to. I figured this is me doing my part, baking for the repass.
I have another confession…
I like Baltimore club music.
I’ve been jamming hard since I finished cleaning up the cake mix.
I’m gonna try and do the mixpod thing one more time. If I can’t get it this time then fuck it.
I wrote a poem too. I’ll post it separate. I think its pretty decent. Nothing award winning. Its just one of those times when I get an idea in my head and I actually take the time to sit down and write it out.
Fuck yo’ couch,
KD
I spent the past 2 or 3 hours in the kitchen baking them. Its for the funeral that I refuse to go to. I figured this is me doing my part, baking for the repass.
I have another confession…
I like Baltimore club music.
I’ve been jamming hard since I finished cleaning up the cake mix.
I’m gonna try and do the mixpod thing one more time. If I can’t get it this time then fuck it.
I wrote a poem too. I’ll post it separate. I think its pretty decent. Nothing award winning. Its just one of those times when I get an idea in my head and I actually take the time to sit down and write it out.
Fuck yo’ couch,
KD
They don’t weep no more.
My older cousin flew in for the funeral. We play it cordial but I don’t speak that language. I try. I might do a better job if they taught it in school but I doubt they will in the next trillion years. I have another cousin, the same age as me, he speaks that language fluently. I listened to the conversation chiming in when necessary and from their conversation I wrote this poem. Actually I won’t take credit for it. It wrote it self. True facts, because I never talk like this. Either way I liked it enough to share.
They don’t weep no more.
Say tears won’t come like they use too.
Cause a man can’t cry
When another man die
And they don’t weep no more.
They don’t juice and gin
Rainfall to the ground no more.
Times got hard
Sips to precious
Lips need to be numb
Cause they don’t weep no more.
Just smoke clouds and niggas spit.
But they don’t weep no more.
They don’t love they daddies
Cause he left before age 3
So they don’t miss him no more
Never seen they daddies cry
They don’t know real men shed tears
Like grief and regrets.
Wish they could weep.
Let go some of they angry hearts.
Let go self-hatred
Fear of greatness.
But they don’t weep no more.
Leave it for they
Mama’s
Sister’s
Auntie’s
They weep for them
Grow them
Strong
And black
Dream them necessary
Still they don’t weep no more.
Don’t know no direction
Cept down.
Can’t walk tall
If they can’t cry in the dark.
And who gon’ teach them.
A real man cry
And be angry
Learn to ask why.
Till these brown boys do
They won’t weep.
Then they can’t grow.
Until they say No More.
baking powder and inspiration,
KD
They don’t weep no more.
Say tears won’t come like they use too.
Cause a man can’t cry
When another man die
And they don’t weep no more.
They don’t juice and gin
Rainfall to the ground no more.
Times got hard
Sips to precious
Lips need to be numb
Cause they don’t weep no more.
Just smoke clouds and niggas spit.
But they don’t weep no more.
They don’t love they daddies
Cause he left before age 3
So they don’t miss him no more
Never seen they daddies cry
They don’t know real men shed tears
Like grief and regrets.
Wish they could weep.
Let go some of they angry hearts.
Let go self-hatred
Fear of greatness.
But they don’t weep no more.
Leave it for they
Mama’s
Sister’s
Auntie’s
They weep for them
Grow them
Strong
And black
Dream them necessary
Still they don’t weep no more.
Don’t know no direction
Cept down.
Can’t walk tall
If they can’t cry in the dark.
And who gon’ teach them.
A real man cry
And be angry
Learn to ask why.
Till these brown boys do
They won’t weep.
Then they can’t grow.
Until they say No More.
baking powder and inspiration,
KD
Friday, January 23, 2009
It’s so hard to believe, it’s hard to have faith, especially when things aren’t
working out. It’s difficult and a challenge when you continuously ask for what
you want and need in your life or at least what you think you want and need in
your life, but that’s when you have to believe and have faith the most. Who
knows how the blessings will flow or at what time or what hour those lessons are
going to come….When you give up, when you start to believe again, when you’re
crying, when it hurts so bad, when you’re too embarrassed to face anybody—
whatever—just be thankful because I believe that’s all God really wants from us
is to be appreciative. It’s been my way of thinking and I’m hoping to teach this
lil’ one these things.
- Jill Scott
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
Running out of reasons to sleep.
I need structure. I need deadlines. I need more than all this fucking free time. I can’t function. I’m so lazy. So lazy. So lazy. I get up at 11 o’clock every day just to watch The View. Like seriously, that’s the only thing I have to look forward to in the morning. The View. The fucking View. Well today was different because of the big Obama Celebration, which was truly something to watch. Although 24 hours of non-stop Obama is a bit much, I mean playing the same sound bites over and over and over and over and over and over, can be more than one human being handle. With this said, I still watched every second. I loved it. I loved them. I feel like they should have another baby and it would just be magically 22 and me and not mixed with white. Sasha and Malia would love me as a big brother, and granny would be my best friend. We could drink gin and play spades. Papa B could get me tickets to all the big sporting events (if I liked sports). Mama Michele could read my bed time stories and help me with my financial planning and I could go to an Ivy League school. Yeah. I like that idea. So God, if you’re reading…. Ummm… hop on that, like ASAP.
Yeah…what was I talking about????
Right, I need something to do. I need school. I can’t deal with this. I work better when I have stuff to do. It’s hard to procrastinate when there is nothing else you should be doing. I’ve tried finding a job, but I feel like I’m to qualified to flip burgers and shit, and I really don’t want to. I want a nice comfy office job. I don’t even have to like it. I just want to make a decent salary, find some local friends, and join a club (or something). I should buy a gym membership but, that requires money that I just don’t have. I wish life was like Juno (the movie) all witty and folk music. That would be nice.
No really, does anyone have a life that they are not using? I can’t be one of those people who get trapped in their parent’s basements and never leave. It’s not what I’m breathing for.
Can someone give me a deadline? I work well under pressure.
FUCK I MISS SCHOOL! Seriously, I want to become a professional student. Is that possible? Its either that or finding a way to get adopted by the Obama’s. Hell, I’ll take the Palin’s. (haha fuck that, I don’t eat moose meat. )
Save me from myself,
KD
Yeah…what was I talking about????
Right, I need something to do. I need school. I can’t deal with this. I work better when I have stuff to do. It’s hard to procrastinate when there is nothing else you should be doing. I’ve tried finding a job, but I feel like I’m to qualified to flip burgers and shit, and I really don’t want to. I want a nice comfy office job. I don’t even have to like it. I just want to make a decent salary, find some local friends, and join a club (or something). I should buy a gym membership but, that requires money that I just don’t have. I wish life was like Juno (the movie) all witty and folk music. That would be nice.
No really, does anyone have a life that they are not using? I can’t be one of those people who get trapped in their parent’s basements and never leave. It’s not what I’m breathing for.
Can someone give me a deadline? I work well under pressure.
FUCK I MISS SCHOOL! Seriously, I want to become a professional student. Is that possible? Its either that or finding a way to get adopted by the Obama’s. Hell, I’ll take the Palin’s. (haha fuck that, I don’t eat moose meat. )
Save me from myself,
KD
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
Monday, January 19, 2009
A moment of silence…
On the eve of President Obama’s inauguration, I want to take a moment to honor the memory of a man that was truly EXTROIDNARY! I remember reading his letter from Birmingham Jail and being floored by how present he was in that letter, how meticulously his words were placed, and how dedicated he was to the good fight. One of my favorite lines of the entire letter Dr. King says…
”We are caught in an inescapable network of mutuality, tied in a single garment of destiny. Whatever affects one directly, affects all indirectly. Never again can we afford to live with the narrow, provincial “outside agitator” idea. Anyone who lives inside the United States can never be considered an outsider anywhere within its bounds.”
It’s that very line that made me become interested in politics and I believe that it’s that very line that made it possible for Barack to become President. Yes, he is the first and millions of black Americans can stand on his shoulders and be proud, I know I am, but it is his understanding that we are ALL AMERICAN, that will make him an excellent President.
We remember Dr. King for the I Have a Dream speech and we praise him as a great black leader, but I don’t think we acknowledge him for being a great advocate of democracy and an extreme believer in the people of America. This country. My country. Our country
It’s a shame Dr. King was taken from us soon, but I think in my heart of hearts it was for the best. Dr. King provided us with the tools and the dream. Now it is up to us to continue to the fight. It cannot stop here. Barack is not the answer. It took 50 years for Barack to happen and we have built some momentum. We can’t let it die now. We have to keep pushing forward. Keep striving for more. Keep living the dream.
Hopeful,
KD
Sunday, January 18, 2009
Ramble:Small Town Living.
I hate small town living. When I was in high school I loved it. Lived for it. Now, its just too much. Because of my brief hiatus from school I’ve been hiding out, only going to work and a few selected family gatherings. Every time I go out I remember why I hate it so much. It’s because I always get asked the same question “How’s school going?” Ahhhhh. If I could punch every old all person who ask me that! School is not going. Thanks for making me feel smaller. It would be all the same if I walked up to them and asked…Hey, how’s that life threatening tumor going? Ya know? Like I’m pretty sure you know I’m not in school because when you call the house 7/10 times I pick up the damn phone. Anyway. Its not about old people. I really do love them. This is about my mother and her need to send me on store runs.
1. I hate going to the store. I do. If I’m not getting anything I don’t care!!
2. She always wants some shit that’s not regular. Like the moss that grows on the under belly of a cow.
3. Its always at the 1 or 3 stores I hate to go into because there is the greatest chance I will run into someone I know.
4. It takes 30 min. to work up the courage to go to the store. Then another 30. to get fresh because I feel the need to over compensate for not being in school, so I can’t look like anything that resembles a bum.
5. I always one into one of the 8 people I was horrible two in high school.
6. They have 5 kids and I have to pretend that it’s the best thing to ever happen to them.
7. I can never find what the fuck I’m looking for because normal stores don’t sell the shit I was sent to get.
8. I’m forced to go to another grocery and look for the same shit and run into another person I have no desire to see.
9. When I want someone to talk with me on the phone so I can look to be in a rush, none of my so called friends want to answer the phone.
10. I always get in the longest slowest line in the store.
This just happened to me a half hour ago. Except this time, I had to go to fucking Wal-mart. Did I mention that we have the biggest Wal-mart on the fucking east coast? Filled with people I know and again HAVE NO DESIRE WHAT SO EVER TO SEE. I’m walking the isles all dressed up crackberry in hand like I had a busy and productive day, when the reality is I’ve only been up since a little after noon.
I tell you this is horrible. I don’t know when I got like this. The things I do to not appear like a bum. I’m not a bum. I’m really not. I read books and blog and several other things that don’t care to say right now.
Now, I’m blogging in a perfectly good outfit that I can’t take off because I know that in the next hour I will be sent on another store run.
My outfit is better than yours,
KD
1. I hate going to the store. I do. If I’m not getting anything I don’t care!!
2. She always wants some shit that’s not regular. Like the moss that grows on the under belly of a cow.
3. Its always at the 1 or 3 stores I hate to go into because there is the greatest chance I will run into someone I know.
4. It takes 30 min. to work up the courage to go to the store. Then another 30. to get fresh because I feel the need to over compensate for not being in school, so I can’t look like anything that resembles a bum.
5. I always one into one of the 8 people I was horrible two in high school.
6. They have 5 kids and I have to pretend that it’s the best thing to ever happen to them.
7. I can never find what the fuck I’m looking for because normal stores don’t sell the shit I was sent to get.
8. I’m forced to go to another grocery and look for the same shit and run into another person I have no desire to see.
9. When I want someone to talk with me on the phone so I can look to be in a rush, none of my so called friends want to answer the phone.
10. I always get in the longest slowest line in the store.
This just happened to me a half hour ago. Except this time, I had to go to fucking Wal-mart. Did I mention that we have the biggest Wal-mart on the fucking east coast? Filled with people I know and again HAVE NO DESIRE WHAT SO EVER TO SEE. I’m walking the isles all dressed up crackberry in hand like I had a busy and productive day, when the reality is I’ve only been up since a little after noon.
I tell you this is horrible. I don’t know when I got like this. The things I do to not appear like a bum. I’m not a bum. I’m really not. I read books and blog and several other things that don’t care to say right now.
Now, I’m blogging in a perfectly good outfit that I can’t take off because I know that in the next hour I will be sent on another store run.
My outfit is better than yours,
KD
Saturday, January 17, 2009
I can’t cry for you.
I wrote this Friday. Just posting it late.
This morning sleep was good, real good. Then after I shut my phone alarm off and tried to find sleep again my mom busted into my room. Her face wet with tears screaming in a high pitch tone that my older cousin died. Not being fully awake, I can only react to her tears, and the sight of my mother crying triggers something in me and I feel the tears beginning to swell in my eyes. I quickly dress and follow her up the stairs from out basement to the first floor. She sits on the edge of the sectional couch and tells me how she needs to go be with my aunt and how the rest of my family had been notified. I’m still not hearing the news, just reacting to her tears. I told her that I would watch the daycare children while she went to my aunts house to console her and being their grieving. I stayed back and in the noisiness of this house and these kids I tried to remember my cousin. I couldn’t. Therefore I can’t grieve. I feel so indifferent it’s ridiculous. And I know that I’m that I’m going to get dragged to the funeral with a bunch of mourning, and I’d really rather not. Selfish, maybe.
I’ve said it before. I think the worst thing you can do is pretend to grieve for a person you don’t know. This cousin was so distant I can’t tell you his dad’s name off the top of my head. His name could be Blue. What do I do at the funeral? Walk up to him and be like sorry for your loss cousin Blue. That’s some bullshit. What can you say to a grieving parent, to let them know you feel for them? I don’t even know what to say to my mother and she only lost a cousin. It sucks. I don’t want to seem selfish. I just don’t trust the motives of people grieving.
When I was going into my sophomore year of high school a childhood friend of mine died. At the time of his death we weren’t on speaking terms. If you’ve read this blog more than once, you will know I’m not the nicest person when I mad, and we had been beefing off and on since the 4th grade. Truth be told me were more enemies than friends. So when he died I was crushed. Just a few days before he died we on the verge of trading blows during a 4th of July party. Then when I found out he died, I was wishing he was still around, but I didn’t like him. Everyone kept trying to console me like I was some great friend to him. I felt like a phony. I couldn’t stop the tears from coming, but I knew that some of them were from guilt. I felt guilt because I’d been so nasty. And it seems like yesterday but it was 7 years ago, and I still beat myself up about it. Like I should have gotten up at the funeral and said that when he died he was not my friend. I didn’t I sat there crying. My tears were real just like everyone else. They were filled with memories both good and bad, and the realization that life is really short. Sometimes much shorter than others. Then during the course of the service another mutual friend of ours got and spoke on about his life. I know for a fact that her relationship with him was much like mine, on again off again. Yet, she stood at that podium pretending that if he had a choice in the matter that he would have chose her. I didn’t believe it even for one half of a second.
And from that moment I hated funerals, everything about them. I never go unless I the person in someway made a lasting impression on my life. I will never go to a funeral for a friend of a friend, or a distant 3 cousin, or my mother’s high school boyfriend.
I don’t plan on going to this funeral. If I do go it will only be to hold support my mother. I don’t know how close they were but it was enough to bring her to tears and, when cries I need to be there.
Standing my ground,
KD
This morning sleep was good, real good. Then after I shut my phone alarm off and tried to find sleep again my mom busted into my room. Her face wet with tears screaming in a high pitch tone that my older cousin died. Not being fully awake, I can only react to her tears, and the sight of my mother crying triggers something in me and I feel the tears beginning to swell in my eyes. I quickly dress and follow her up the stairs from out basement to the first floor. She sits on the edge of the sectional couch and tells me how she needs to go be with my aunt and how the rest of my family had been notified. I’m still not hearing the news, just reacting to her tears. I told her that I would watch the daycare children while she went to my aunts house to console her and being their grieving. I stayed back and in the noisiness of this house and these kids I tried to remember my cousin. I couldn’t. Therefore I can’t grieve. I feel so indifferent it’s ridiculous. And I know that I’m that I’m going to get dragged to the funeral with a bunch of mourning, and I’d really rather not. Selfish, maybe.
I’ve said it before. I think the worst thing you can do is pretend to grieve for a person you don’t know. This cousin was so distant I can’t tell you his dad’s name off the top of my head. His name could be Blue. What do I do at the funeral? Walk up to him and be like sorry for your loss cousin Blue. That’s some bullshit. What can you say to a grieving parent, to let them know you feel for them? I don’t even know what to say to my mother and she only lost a cousin. It sucks. I don’t want to seem selfish. I just don’t trust the motives of people grieving.
When I was going into my sophomore year of high school a childhood friend of mine died. At the time of his death we weren’t on speaking terms. If you’ve read this blog more than once, you will know I’m not the nicest person when I mad, and we had been beefing off and on since the 4th grade. Truth be told me were more enemies than friends. So when he died I was crushed. Just a few days before he died we on the verge of trading blows during a 4th of July party. Then when I found out he died, I was wishing he was still around, but I didn’t like him. Everyone kept trying to console me like I was some great friend to him. I felt like a phony. I couldn’t stop the tears from coming, but I knew that some of them were from guilt. I felt guilt because I’d been so nasty. And it seems like yesterday but it was 7 years ago, and I still beat myself up about it. Like I should have gotten up at the funeral and said that when he died he was not my friend. I didn’t I sat there crying. My tears were real just like everyone else. They were filled with memories both good and bad, and the realization that life is really short. Sometimes much shorter than others. Then during the course of the service another mutual friend of ours got and spoke on about his life. I know for a fact that her relationship with him was much like mine, on again off again. Yet, she stood at that podium pretending that if he had a choice in the matter that he would have chose her. I didn’t believe it even for one half of a second.
And from that moment I hated funerals, everything about them. I never go unless I the person in someway made a lasting impression on my life. I will never go to a funeral for a friend of a friend, or a distant 3 cousin, or my mother’s high school boyfriend.
I don’t plan on going to this funeral. If I do go it will only be to hold support my mother. I don’t know how close they were but it was enough to bring her to tears and, when cries I need to be there.
Standing my ground,
KD
Is there another under the sound of my voice…
that is not excited to see Notorious the movie??? I’m not and unless someone else pays my way I don’t think I will be going either. I do have a tremendous amount of respect for Biggie as a rapper. I do. This is not a hater post. I just don’t see the point in paying 10 dollars to see this movie when BET and Vh1 have already done umpteen million specials about it. Every time you turn on the Tv there is a commercial. Too much. Media overflow. I will give credit where credit is due. The guy they chose to play him does have an uncanny resemblance to Big, and they have Anglea Basset as his mother. I love his mother. I’ve never met her, but in all of her interviews she has the sexiest island accent ever. She looks like someone I know, and even that is not enough for me to go see it.
Let me know if I’m wrong.
and before I go…I do have one hater comment. Who in the sam hell let a skilled actor like Derek Luke play Diddy? Come on. I’m gonna need Mr. Combs to come down off his high horse, just for a second.
venting,
KD
Let me know if I’m wrong.
and before I go…I do have one hater comment. Who in the sam hell let a skilled actor like Derek Luke play Diddy? Come on. I’m gonna need Mr. Combs to come down off his high horse, just for a second.
venting,
KD
Friday, January 16, 2009
Damn Birds….
True Facts: I’ve never been on a plane. Ever! In 2009. Crazy.
Anyway, sitting here watching the news about the US Airways plane that crashed into the Hudson River only makes me want to fly more. I I’m sorry it does. My mother is scared to fly on planes and most of the older people I know have this intense fear especially after 9/11, but not me. I still want to see the world, mainly Australia (even though I heard they don’t care for the coloreds, but my cousin lives in Boston and I don’t think they are to fond of us there either).I can’t wait to book my ticket. Hell, I would even work on an air plane. Ha! You think some birds flying into an engine can stop me. Fuck you birds. I bet it was a flock of pigeons. Damn rats with wings.
Maybe I’m crazy but, I just think that’s a cool ass story to call and tell somebody.
“Hey, my plane is gonna be a little late. We hit some birds and landed in the Hudson River. Tell Marge to save me a plate. “
I am glad that everyone made it out safe.
The news still made me think about death. In situations like that many times the outcomes aren’t as “happy” and in a situation like that I can only imagine the thoughts of the crew and passengers. What do you think about or say when faced with your own mortality? On that slow decent into the water do you finally give all your burdens to whomever you worship? Do you say a prayer for those you will leave behind? And, what do you do after the fact? Once you realize that it was a false alarm, do you….I dunno.
I hear people say they want to die in their sleep, and how many people are lucky enough to choose. It was up to me I wouldn’t want to die in my sleep. Hell Nah! Not me. I was born during one of the biggest floods in Delaware history. Damn it! I want to go out with a bang. A blaze of glory. Give me a plane crash. Something! Let me get hit by a meteor. I’ll even take assassination. Just don’t burn me!
Yes, I do realize that my pervious statement might sound a little crazy.
But you’re crazy too,
KD
Anyway, sitting here watching the news about the US Airways plane that crashed into the Hudson River only makes me want to fly more. I I’m sorry it does. My mother is scared to fly on planes and most of the older people I know have this intense fear especially after 9/11, but not me. I still want to see the world, mainly Australia (even though I heard they don’t care for the coloreds, but my cousin lives in Boston and I don’t think they are to fond of us there either).I can’t wait to book my ticket. Hell, I would even work on an air plane. Ha! You think some birds flying into an engine can stop me. Fuck you birds. I bet it was a flock of pigeons. Damn rats with wings.
Maybe I’m crazy but, I just think that’s a cool ass story to call and tell somebody.
“Hey, my plane is gonna be a little late. We hit some birds and landed in the Hudson River. Tell Marge to save me a plate. “
I am glad that everyone made it out safe.
The news still made me think about death. In situations like that many times the outcomes aren’t as “happy” and in a situation like that I can only imagine the thoughts of the crew and passengers. What do you think about or say when faced with your own mortality? On that slow decent into the water do you finally give all your burdens to whomever you worship? Do you say a prayer for those you will leave behind? And, what do you do after the fact? Once you realize that it was a false alarm, do you….I dunno.
I hear people say they want to die in their sleep, and how many people are lucky enough to choose. It was up to me I wouldn’t want to die in my sleep. Hell Nah! Not me. I was born during one of the biggest floods in Delaware history. Damn it! I want to go out with a bang. A blaze of glory. Give me a plane crash. Something! Let me get hit by a meteor. I’ll even take assassination. Just don’t burn me!
Yes, I do realize that my pervious statement might sound a little crazy.
But you’re crazy too,
KD
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
Token, Token, Token!
First Let me say that I know that black are all kinds. I know that for a fact. However, in watching reality television as I do often, I notice that they like to cast what I like to call the token.
Like right now, I’m watching Bromance. This black guy with the mini dread lock shits. TOTAL TOKEN!
or the black girl with the big boobs from the real world. TOKEN!
FLAVA FLAV…Come on. and no I don’t care that he was part of public enemy! TOKEN!
Jill Scott said it best…
Hop Skip Jump Dummy
Do that dance they like to see
But it won’t be me.
I don’t wear tap shoes,
KD
Like right now, I’m watching Bromance. This black guy with the mini dread lock shits. TOTAL TOKEN!
or the black girl with the big boobs from the real world. TOKEN!
FLAVA FLAV…Come on. and no I don’t care that he was part of public enemy! TOKEN!
Jill Scott said it best…
Hop Skip Jump Dummy
Do that dance they like to see
But it won’t be me.
I don’t wear tap shoes,
KD
Rant: Just give me my fucking money!
Why???
How is it that I have still not received my final paycheck from that horrid ass job and that crooked ass preacher? I’m so sick of sending fucking e-mails. This man has really me damn near whoring myself, for a couple hundred dollars. Why must I hound you for whats lawfully mine? Why all the aggravation and insults? Just give me my damn money. Every time he pisses me off I come here and curse and act a nigga. I’m trying to hold composure and be mature, but I really want to fight this nigga, straight up. Bash his shit in! 09 should not have started like this. The bullshit just keeps building up. I need a shovel and a job to make this shit less annoying.
Keep hydrated,
KD
How is it that I have still not received my final paycheck from that horrid ass job and that crooked ass preacher? I’m so sick of sending fucking e-mails. This man has really me damn near whoring myself, for a couple hundred dollars. Why must I hound you for whats lawfully mine? Why all the aggravation and insults? Just give me my damn money. Every time he pisses me off I come here and curse and act a nigga. I’m trying to hold composure and be mature, but I really want to fight this nigga, straight up. Bash his shit in! 09 should not have started like this. The bullshit just keeps building up. I need a shovel and a job to make this shit less annoying.
Keep hydrated,
KD
Ahhh….
One more for tonight….My boo is knocked up. I don’t even know what to say. Saw III is playing in the background, I’m all fucked up over my money woes, and now this! What the hell. I mean I’m happy for her. She will be one of those cool hip moms. One that would listen to your music and still bust your ass! In case you didn’t know…the boo in question is Jill Scott.
Congrats Jill and the lucky man that knocked her up.
GoodNight,
KD
Congrats Jill and the lucky man that knocked her up.
GoodNight,
KD
Monday, January 12, 2009
Ramble: I was gonna write the first thing that came to my mind and ended up asking stupid ass questions.
Why is Chinese food the devil? and by devil, I mean why do I crave it all the time.
and Orange juice.
I need to find time to watch Slumdog Millionaire and Vicky Christina Barcelona and The Accidental Husband.
I need to find time to find another job.
Question: When someone deletes you as a friend on facebook, does it hurt your facebooks feelings?
Question 2: Who really cares?
Question 3: When did twitter get all fancy?
Question 4: Does calling my BlackBerry a CrackBerry make it any less addicting?
Question 5: When is spring going to get here?
Question 6: Why do Church people have so many meeting?
Question 7: How many times can you miss church before you are no longer considered a Christian?
Question 8: Who wants to be my happy hour buddy?
Question 9: Is it 10 yet? I’m ready for more WHITNEY PORT.
Question 10: Is it wrong to love a white woman I never met this much? Will I get gunned down? You know how popular that is these days with the pigs.
Whatever, Whatever,
KD
and Orange juice.
I need to find time to watch Slumdog Millionaire and Vicky Christina Barcelona and The Accidental Husband.
I need to find time to find another job.
Question: When someone deletes you as a friend on facebook, does it hurt your facebooks feelings?
Question 2: Who really cares?
Question 3: When did twitter get all fancy?
Question 4: Does calling my BlackBerry a CrackBerry make it any less addicting?
Question 5: When is spring going to get here?
Question 6: Why do Church people have so many meeting?
Question 7: How many times can you miss church before you are no longer considered a Christian?
Question 8: Who wants to be my happy hour buddy?
Question 9: Is it 10 yet? I’m ready for more WHITNEY PORT.
Question 10: Is it wrong to love a white woman I never met this much? Will I get gunned down? You know how popular that is these days with the pigs.
Whatever, Whatever,
KD
Sunday, January 11, 2009
One Semester Painful, Two Equals Death
Right now I should be on some overcrowded Amtrak train with about 6 oversized pieces of luggage. Inside these pieces of luggage rest my entire life, or the one that I’ve seemingly pieced together over the past 4 years. I should be awaking from my second or third nap and we should be somewhere outside of DC. There should be about 5 or 6 people that I can spot that look to be on the same journey I am. My phone should be flickering with text messages and voicemails of my friends telling how excited they are for me to get back and how me must celebrate our first night back after we unpack. Or maybe, I should be watching some illegally downloaded movie on my laptop to drown out the sound of the annoying middle aged white lady who wants to tell me her life story. I probably pretended to be slightly interested until Baltimore, and that’s where I settled into my first nap. My second nap would have started around the DC engine stop.
My ass starts to hurt from sitting so long somewhere around Richmond. That’s my cue to hit the snack car, which is at the complete opposite end of the train. I hate walking the train. I can never seem to keep my balance. My knees always lock too tightly and I fall, a minimum of 8 times. I make it to the snack car with only 5 dollars in cash. I always spend it all. 5 dollars will get you chips and a can soda. You can’t argue with those reasonable Amtrak prices. I make it back to my seat safely, eyeing maybe 3 reasonably attractive people on my way there.
Once the snacks are gone, I reach for my head phones and plug myself into to a masterfully crafted playlist that took me hours to make. Recline the stiff seat engraved with my ass print and try to zone out. Try to ignore the nervous that’s making my stomach rumble. The nervous that is making my toes tingle with that pee pee feeling. As hard as I try, ignoring it never makes it better. Just makes it more intense. There is always this type of anxiousness that I’ve only felt on the way back to school on the Amtrak train. On this six hour ride between the naps, and the movie, and the lady who snores, there is only time to think about what the semester will bring. What memories will carry over, which ones will be forgotten, and if any new ones will be made. And in my mind, its this big Broadway production with sex, lies, scandal and a happy ending. A 4.0 is the best happy ending you can get. The music is not helping that. It’s just providing the soundtrack for this nervous Amtrak fantasy. My legs begin to feel heavy. So I twist and turn and stretch as much as this space shared with this middle aged hag who beings to annoy me more with every snore she exhales. I want to push her to the floor. I wish I remember what stop she got said was hers. Maybe the next one?
The conductors keeps passing, they never have any answers. I wish they were more like first class flight attendants. I could really use a vodka tonic. It wouldn’t cure this anxiousness, but maybe it would make my legs lighter and put me to sleep again. To bad they don’t. Old ass men. Grey ass beards. One of them stops and informs our car that we will be an hour late to our destination.
Great, just what I need, a 7 hour train ride with these feelings stuck in my gut, my brain and now my fingertips. I need to write. I pull out the ratty composition book that I only use for train rides with the words “Without Permission” scribble across the top in bold graffiti style letters. I find a page that wasn’t scribbled on and begin to write about things that are of no concern to me right now. I write of love and heart break and death. I should be writing about being nervous or depression or insomnia. It always harder to write about what’s right in front of your face. I write anyway. I try to scribble stanzas about the sleep I know I’m going to lose. Or the way I know my stomach will Boy Scout knot it self into something dangerous. It’s always this same.
This ride. This fucking Amtrak ride. It never gets easier. It never gets harder either. It’s just always the same. The same.
Right now I should be on that train. I’m not. I’m still in my bedroom wondering why I didn’t push myself to get up and go to church. Wondering why there was no college fund, wondering how much money was wasted on heroine and crack binges, wondering why a father wouldn’t want more for his boy, wondering if I’m the only one who believes in this dream that I’ve busted ass to make a reality.
I wonder if they know how much I would give up so much for the nervousness of that ride right now. That fucking Amtrak ride. I would give so much. That ride, as nerve racking as it was, was good for me. It was apart of me that I could cling to with out feeling guilty. At the end of that ride, no matter how much my ass hurt, or how heavy my legs felt, I knew that opportunity was waiting at the other end. It welcomed the challenge of a new semester, but not this semester, or the last one. Regretfully, this semester I only welcome the challenge of throwing myself back into the “real world”. Becoming part of the working force, trying to scrape and dig and save my way back into a new semester, a semester closer to graduating, and becoming the adult I believe myself to be.
My ass starts to hurt from sitting so long somewhere around Richmond. That’s my cue to hit the snack car, which is at the complete opposite end of the train. I hate walking the train. I can never seem to keep my balance. My knees always lock too tightly and I fall, a minimum of 8 times. I make it to the snack car with only 5 dollars in cash. I always spend it all. 5 dollars will get you chips and a can soda. You can’t argue with those reasonable Amtrak prices. I make it back to my seat safely, eyeing maybe 3 reasonably attractive people on my way there.
Once the snacks are gone, I reach for my head phones and plug myself into to a masterfully crafted playlist that took me hours to make. Recline the stiff seat engraved with my ass print and try to zone out. Try to ignore the nervous that’s making my stomach rumble. The nervous that is making my toes tingle with that pee pee feeling. As hard as I try, ignoring it never makes it better. Just makes it more intense. There is always this type of anxiousness that I’ve only felt on the way back to school on the Amtrak train. On this six hour ride between the naps, and the movie, and the lady who snores, there is only time to think about what the semester will bring. What memories will carry over, which ones will be forgotten, and if any new ones will be made. And in my mind, its this big Broadway production with sex, lies, scandal and a happy ending. A 4.0 is the best happy ending you can get. The music is not helping that. It’s just providing the soundtrack for this nervous Amtrak fantasy. My legs begin to feel heavy. So I twist and turn and stretch as much as this space shared with this middle aged hag who beings to annoy me more with every snore she exhales. I want to push her to the floor. I wish I remember what stop she got said was hers. Maybe the next one?
The conductors keeps passing, they never have any answers. I wish they were more like first class flight attendants. I could really use a vodka tonic. It wouldn’t cure this anxiousness, but maybe it would make my legs lighter and put me to sleep again. To bad they don’t. Old ass men. Grey ass beards. One of them stops and informs our car that we will be an hour late to our destination.
Great, just what I need, a 7 hour train ride with these feelings stuck in my gut, my brain and now my fingertips. I need to write. I pull out the ratty composition book that I only use for train rides with the words “Without Permission” scribble across the top in bold graffiti style letters. I find a page that wasn’t scribbled on and begin to write about things that are of no concern to me right now. I write of love and heart break and death. I should be writing about being nervous or depression or insomnia. It always harder to write about what’s right in front of your face. I write anyway. I try to scribble stanzas about the sleep I know I’m going to lose. Or the way I know my stomach will Boy Scout knot it self into something dangerous. It’s always this same.
This ride. This fucking Amtrak ride. It never gets easier. It never gets harder either. It’s just always the same. The same.
Right now I should be on that train. I’m not. I’m still in my bedroom wondering why I didn’t push myself to get up and go to church. Wondering why there was no college fund, wondering how much money was wasted on heroine and crack binges, wondering why a father wouldn’t want more for his boy, wondering if I’m the only one who believes in this dream that I’ve busted ass to make a reality.
I wonder if they know how much I would give up so much for the nervousness of that ride right now. That fucking Amtrak ride. I would give so much. That ride, as nerve racking as it was, was good for me. It was apart of me that I could cling to with out feeling guilty. At the end of that ride, no matter how much my ass hurt, or how heavy my legs felt, I knew that opportunity was waiting at the other end. It welcomed the challenge of a new semester, but not this semester, or the last one. Regretfully, this semester I only welcome the challenge of throwing myself back into the “real world”. Becoming part of the working force, trying to scrape and dig and save my way back into a new semester, a semester closer to graduating, and becoming the adult I believe myself to be.
Ramble: Enough is Enough. Black life is worth more…
I’m sitting here in tears after watching this video played out. I could barely stomach to watch if a first time, but I needed to see it again just to make sure I saw what I thought I did.
This makes me fucking sick. It makes me feel unsafe. It makes me hate police and not trust them. I was one of those people who couldn’t understand my friends from Philly,New York, or other urban areas had such disdain for police. I grew up in a largely white suburban community. I didn’t know things like this. Hell, for sometime I almost defended police. Blame it on being young and thinking that the world was a better place.
If something is not done about this, I might seriously move to Canada. There needs to be a change. There needs to be a greater value placed on the life of black men. We are not disposable nothings. We are son, brothers, and father. We have every right to be here and breath and make mistakes with out wondering what speeding ticket will equal our death. I should be scared to go to the mall with 5 or 6 of my friends and be considered a gang.
I shouldn’t hold resentment for my white friends because they will never understand what this means. This is more than just some sad 6 o’clock news story. This could have been me. This could have been any random brown face boy out celebrating the joys of seeing a new year. It didn’t have to end like this. There probably wasn’t a need for it in the first place.
Black life is not sacred here and it’s a shame. It’s a damn shame. In a country where Barack Obama can happen, he could still be shot down for no other reason than being a black man.
Rest In Peace…Mr. Oscar Grant
No more words,
KD
This makes me fucking sick. It makes me feel unsafe. It makes me hate police and not trust them. I was one of those people who couldn’t understand my friends from Philly,New York, or other urban areas had such disdain for police. I grew up in a largely white suburban community. I didn’t know things like this. Hell, for sometime I almost defended police. Blame it on being young and thinking that the world was a better place.
When its open season on all black men, there is no justice, when we can be gunned down execution style, in a public train station, we are not equals. We are nothing but cattle. Target practice for police men who have this deep seeded hatred for black men that they can’t even understand.
If something is not done about this, I might seriously move to Canada. There needs to be a change. There needs to be a greater value placed on the life of black men. We are not disposable nothings. We are son, brothers, and father. We have every right to be here and breath and make mistakes with out wondering what speeding ticket will equal our death. I should be scared to go to the mall with 5 or 6 of my friends and be considered a gang.
I shouldn’t hold resentment for my white friends because they will never understand what this means. This is more than just some sad 6 o’clock news story. This could have been me. This could have been any random brown face boy out celebrating the joys of seeing a new year. It didn’t have to end like this. There probably wasn’t a need for it in the first place.
Black life is not sacred here and it’s a shame. It’s a damn shame. In a country where Barack Obama can happen, he could still be shot down for no other reason than being a black man.
Rest In Peace…Mr. Oscar Grant
No more words,
KD
Thursday, January 8, 2009
Something is off…
Its obvious that I am a fan of Mr. Obama… but something about these picture is just off…
VS.
Right now I really want to watch the season premier of the Real World Brooklyn, but in an attempt to spend more time with my mother, and to avoid being alone so I don’t have to think I will be watching Tyler Perry’s new show Meet the Browns. Damn that Tyler Perry. I know that MTV will be replaying the same episode for the rest of the night but there is nothing like the first time. Pun intended. Please believe…If I don’t laugh at one joke during the first segment of Meet the Browns, I’m leaving. Never mind.
Next week the Real World will win. I can only bond with my mom so much when I’m blogging and she’s on the phone complaining about church affairs with my aunt.
Sunday, January 4, 2009
Amazon.com…I hate you.
Why must your shelves be filled with things that I want but can’t afford? Why did you let me spend 50 dollars on books that I could have picked up for free from the local library?
Word to the wise… never browse amazon when your bored on a Saturday afternoon. I’m so pissed at myself right now. I just spent money that I didn’t have on books that I didn’t need. Seriously, I have 5 overdue library book in my possession right now that I still have yet to read and I could probably knock them all out in two weeks if I put my mind to it.
Reading like there is no tomorrow,
KD
Word to the wise… never browse amazon when your bored on a Saturday afternoon. I’m so pissed at myself right now. I just spent money that I didn’t have on books that I didn’t need. Seriously, I have 5 overdue library book in my possession right now that I still have yet to read and I could probably knock them all out in two weeks if I put my mind to it.
Reading like there is no tomorrow,
KD
Friday, January 2, 2009
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