More Whining

I try my best not to get wrapped up in my own feelings. When good things happen to other people, I try to be genuinely happy for them. There is nothing worse then sharing good news with someone and having them dampen the mood with their own gloominess. It happens, we’re only human.

I find that sometimes, being happy for other person is the hardest thing to do. Especially, when our own lives haven't unfolded the way we wanted, planned or hoped for. The most natural reaction [for me] in situations like that is to lash out and try to suck the life out of everyone else happiness. I've done it. And I'm good at it. Not right, I know, but I’m honest, and I’m working on it.

I’ve been trying to prepare myself for the graduation period for the longest time. I knew it was going to fuck with me, and I told myself that I would be bigger than my emotions, more mature than my need to have my life a particular way. Well…Life is a whore, an unfair whore at that. It should be me, with all the work, all the stress, all the never having enough grants or loans…ughhh….I don’t even want to go down that road again. I really can’t believe that I’m not preparing for my senior seminar and buying caps and gowns and all that. And while I’m stuck in limbo, my friends are, THERE!...prepping for finals and post under grad life, and I do wish them the best and hope that they do well…but… me being me, I want to remind them of everything that they SUCK AT! Not right, I know, but I’m honest, and I’m working on it.

To stop myself from letting my little hater take over and ruin friendships, I’ve deactivated my facebook, and it will remain that way until June or a later date. I couldn’t take all the pre-graduation preparation status updates. Seriously, when did everybody magically become a college senior? I clearly missed that memo, and it will be quite a while before I catch up. I can’t beat em’ and I can’t ignore em’, so I’ll ignore it.

But the weather is nice. I’m not totally broke. And I’m alive!

Live and let go,

KD