BlackBerry Writings...

Just because my phone is off doesn't stop me from carrying it around everywhere I go, it's my crutch and I'm proud to lean on it. Anyway I'm sharing just a few of the notes that Have been in here for ages.

1.

No matter what you say, I already know. I know. I know. I know. Your lips can purr a lie sweet enough to suck the bitterness away from a lemon, but I won't believe you, I've learned my lesson. This time will be different. Fool me once it's just a shame. Fool me twice, and hell, I'm a fool.

Ain't that the nature of boys and girls, to always try and one up each other, to keep the playing field all types of uneven, for one side to try and hog all the goods. Struggling to find out which side knows the other best... when in reality we know nothing, despite all our differences; differences meaning penis and vaginas aren't we all just blood, water, and melanin...

2.

I find clarity in the most unfamiliar places. Today it is in a small cafe lodged between a sporting good store and TJ Maxx. The walls are cover with about 40 large scale dogs portraits. Dogs staring at an open fridge. Dogs reading books. Dogs and toilet paper. Dogs with cats. Dogs with trumpets. Dogs, dogs, dogs. I bet this cafe is owned by a middle aged white woman who has a husband that is to involved with his work to pay her any attention and has children who have long abandoned her and her need to mother to band aide their scrapped knees.

Here in this cafe' I can fit the world in my hands, while casually sipping my cream of broccoli soup. There is something so other worldly about being alone in a place where not a single face looks familiar. I could be the writer I believe myself to be scribble notes for my next article. Or I could be the black guy who ordered the soup, because it was the cheapest thing on the menu, who wants to finish reading The Joy Luck Club. It's truly voyeuristic, for me to watch the people coming in and out of the cafe placing orders, scrambling for exact change, end phone calls, and hundreds of other task that one does to push the day along just a bit faster.

From my corner, I can give them a name. I can tell their story, for the seconds that they are in my eyesight they can take on a dual persona, like the ladies to the left of me, at the oval table, with the matching red tinted hair. They look like 3rd grade school teachers, along with their red hair they have heart shaped pale faces and smiles that could warm the heart of any child that comes within 5 feet of them. They are discussing husbands and problem children over chi tea and blueberry muffins.

At the next table over, there is a mother and her two daughters that are having lunch while passing along a fourth girl, a toddler, with the pink floral printed dress, who refuses to keep still or quiet. They pretend to ignore the rest of the patrons including myself,who keep looking at the screaming child who has more than likely never been spanked in her life. Four opened handed swats right across her bum, because that's not considered child abuse.

Then there is the brown girl at the counter with the perfectly crafted French braid with red yarn weaved down the center, that keeps making eye contact with me. I take this as a means of flirting. I can assure her I'm not, my interest in her is simply because she is the only other brown face I've come in contact with in the last hour. She is a pleasant reminder that that my own skin is grand and made of things the world has yet to give a name to, but her constant staring is starting to bother me. If her reasons for starting at me are the same as mine then we quickly have to find common ground to rest on, or she will just fade into the background of my lunch time story telling.

3.

The clouds were of overcast thick, sticky, and full of disaster. The wind ever so chilly tried to coddle the the clouds into letting the sun come out just for a little while, just long enough to kiss the budding flowers goodnight one last time. It was a wasted effort, clouds will do what they want. They will mold them selves into into unicorns or fall low enough to hug ever curve of the earth.

4.

When the sky has cleared every cloud for miles, and the moon has painted my front steps in its glow, I will dance for you. I will bend the branches of the dogwood tree outside my bedroom window. I will expel my voice into the wind, and beg you to acknowledge my presence. I will put on the most glorious performance for you. I will dance until you return to me sweet heartbreak.

5.

I've waited a life time for a night like this, a night so clear I could French kiss the stars, and make love to my shadow. A night like tonight where there is nothing to fear except day light. A night when beauty refuses to rest and dances along rooftops, wanting nothing more than a familiar face to say hello and join her as she dances. I will dance with her, while I wait for you heartbreak.

6.

She was only wise enough to know him fill of contradictions and dreams
her arms so bruised with time
loves lost
loves forgotten
that she could only hold him from a distance.

But when he was close to her enough
she would inhale deeply and rest her head on his chest
she would listen to it beat with two uneasy rhythms
one for the words already spoken
the other for the words that were guarded by the tongue
that had seen one to many lovers leave amidst his chaos.

She only wanted to sooth him
long enough to kiss him.
Entangle him fingers and prayers
to quiet his heart just for a second
to see that her's was strong to enough free
and secure him
FEARLESS!



Comments welcomed,

KD