This is my first official bspot post and its an angry one!
In 8 years this won't be me. Delaware will not be allowed to feed me oxygen. I want my air from somewhere else! I'll fucking move to Novia Scotia. And I love Delaware its home and it will always be home, but I can't live here. I've seen what it can do to people. I'm seeing what it does to people...and oh no it won't be me. I have another year tops in this place and I'm moving to NYC...even if I have to be homeless. Not eating or having steady shelter might do me some good. Might force me to stop pussy footing around. Enough about that.
I'm really trying to learn and love my family and accept them as the people that they are. Easier said then done. They just annoy me. I can't help it. I look at them and see so much more than this...one small town, and simple jobs, and even simple thoughts. I just wish they were a bit more motivated! It angers me because I'm starting to see these qualities in myself. It scares the shit out of me.
I don't want to be here. I had my foot out the door, half my damn body! Life was good. I saw my escape. My way out. Before you know it snap! Someone throws something at you that 1. not prepared for and 2. is completely in and out of your control.
Now your stuck here surrounded by a life you already knew you didn't want and the limited options to escape. It's sad. The people you once admired are now doing the same things and the same way. Where is the progression? Where? In a world that is so filled with possibilities, I can't wrap my fist around why anyone would want to stay here. If I could I would choke it.
part 2 coming soon. Too Pissed to finish this right now.
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I leave you alone for a few days and look at what happens! Lordy! I feel your plight my friend, I have a cousin who's worked at the same place for 15 and is still not making what I make. He's as content as if he were actually doing something with his wee little life and sometimes I look at him and wonder if he ever wants more. Bottom line, I won't allow myself to be that person. I feel stagnant at times but it's up to me to not only want more but make it happen. And you my dear sir, are on the roas to making it happen.
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