Act A N***A Part 2 (Trying to let go with Vodka)

How could I lose if I did nothing wrong?

Why am I sitting here drowning my sorrows in vodka and whatever juice we have in this house broke?

This is not how I pictured my day. I just didn’t. I can’t believe such crooked people are allowed to run business, let alone school. I’ll home school my kids, people are going to blame me if they come out fucked up anyway, I might as well go for the fucking gold.

I know I wrote about this earlier and I thought I was done but…Sometimes its just to hard to be the bigger person and let things go. Sometimes you gotta hold on to that anger, just enough to keep you from crashing. That’s what I’m doing right now. This anger and the drinking are the only things keeping me afloat.

Good guys finish last. That’s how the saying goes, but I never pictured myself one of the good guys. I was always a step away from each. I like the grey areas. There is more room for error there. I just can’t understand how I got fucked over. Does the law not mean anything? I spent my entire day on the phone with the department of labor and all they can tell me that is that “Yes, what your boss is doing is wrong but there is nothing we can do at this point”…Bitch what are you good for. GET ME MY MONEY. When the law protects the criminal clergy and struggling college kids go broke, where is the justice? WHERE IS MY MONEY?

As much as I am upset about the money this is about principle. When you say you’re going to do something do it, especially when it comes to dealing with people’s money. No one works for fun. Well, I don’t. People need money. And they except to get paid accordingly, you can’t withhold my money because you don’t agree with how I submitted my resignation. I didn’t have to give you any notice what so ever and the same amount of money would still be owed to me.

I’m just beside myself and no one seems to understand my anger, my frustration, my need to drink, and be alone, and whine, and write. I just need to do this. It’s the only way all of this BULLSHIT will make some type of sense in the morning.

I’m more upset that I spent more than half my day at this very computer screen arguing with a crook…sorry I mean pastor. I want to past emails and school websites but it will do no good. I really want to bomb the fuck out of that place and watch his dreams crumble. I really want to wish the worst for him, and I know it’s not right but I can’t help it. When I’m angry these things happen and I refuse to apologize for them. So… I hope he gets AIDS and cancer for his wife, and that one of his sons are gay, and another gets hep c from using a dirty needle, I hope his little girls gets hit by a car, and I hope it happens all in the same week, so I can drive by the house laughing and throwing broken beer bottles at them…I don’t even care. At this point I don’t.

I’m tired of people fucking with me.



And in the middle of writing this I got this e-mail…

yo i heard pastor did you wrong, don’t take action you gone just have to wait and going to court will cost you alot more and you was right about JR talkin shit when you left (Excuse the spelling mistakes)



and I smiled.



I don’t know why, but I did.



I feel bad again. Maybe those kinds weren’t that bad. Maybe they were just lost. Hell, I’m still lost, in many ways I need to stop and stare. At what I don’t know, but something.



This day has been too long. Too stressful. My entire soul is tired.



Goodnight,



KD