Someone please help me find myself beneath all these red marks, and piles of papers and touchy feely asshole kids who refuse to realize their potential and the staff meeting where the only productive things that gets accomplished is talking about impoverished kids home life and long ass commutes and copies, and chalk and penny loafers, and cold fucking weather and the excitement of almost going back to school and the Ashton Kutcher moment after it and the feeling of self destruction and late assignments and oatmeal and toast and apple and orange juice. Someone tell me who am I again? I don’t even have a winter jacket, not it matters. It does matter. I wish I was back in school and all nighters and 8 o’clock classes and snoozed alarm clocks and vodka mixed with anything equaling the best drink ever and sweat pants and flip flops and socks. I want to be there. Shower shoes and horrible cafeteria food and guess who crept out of so and so’s dorm last night. Who am I? What have I become? I remember the days when being trapped in the library and bound by hours of school work were welcomed. At least my soul was free. Here and now. All that I am is tied to something I can’t believe in. I know somewhere between here and going back to school is a gray hair or a worry line. I need to start checking out my options or making new ones. Complacent no more, not ever, I will not die here for my tombstone to read…” He had so much potential.” I refuse! I refuse! I’m losing more of myself everyday. I feel like the guy you call when you want to reminisce about the past because his future’s is so dim. DAMN IT I SHINE or I USED TO BACK WHEN MY LIFE MADE SOME SORT OF SENSE. And I knew who I was. I just want to be reminded, just one. Do you know? Who I am? Who was I? Will I ever be again?
Ramble ramble, blah, blah, blah
KD
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