Maybe it’s me who refuses to learn…

This blog is out of anger and frustration. I will not apologize for anything that I’m about to write, so this severs simply as a disclaimer that I only think this way when I’m angry(or I only express it when I’m angry).



I lie.

He lies.

She lies.

Your mom lies.

Everyone Lies…



Any one who tells you that they have never told a lie, or will never tell a lie is perfect. And perfection doesn’t exist. It’s like Santa clause or the Easter bunny, it always looks good but you know there is something seriously wrong with the thought of fat old white men and small children me, or big ass white bunnies.



People lie for reasons still unknown to me. I tell at least 10 lies of day. 8 of them I tell to myself like my job isn’t that bad, or the woman sitting next to me didn’t just dig in her coochie, or that there is a God. These lies however have purpose. They are not malicious in nature. Rather small reality benders. Just a little bit of fantasy to break up the monotony of my day. I can deal with those kinds of lies.



The lies that I refuse to understand are those that server no purpose. Lies just for the sake of hearing your own pathetic breath, lies that spawn from the depths of your boring and unfulfilled life, and I can deal with out those worthless petty lies and the mouths that they fall from. My life is much too busy and much to tiring to deal with that.



It just makes no sense and normally I would avoid presenting the specific situation that I am talking about but under these circumstances I feel it extremely necessary to vent openly.



On Monday, I got a txt message from my cousin asking me if I wanted to go attend a party at his school this weekend. At the time my weekend plans had looked as dim as they had been for the past few weekends so I accepted the invitation. Let me state this clearly I accepted the invitation because it was given to me, not because I was so pressed to party with people that the last time I met them bored me to fucking death.



I was set to go. I even considered going to buy something new to wear, just to make a good impression when I got there. Then on Wednesday, I was told that I didn’t have to work Friday because of a field trip and my mind forgot about the party and started making other plans. I had already promised a friend of mine that I would visit her in Philly the first chance I got.



The party had slipped my mind. I did try calling my cousin several times to see what the status of the party was. You know if I thought the party was going to be hot, I would have put my friend in Philly on hold until another day. I didn’t get in contact with that cousin. It was the middle of the week so I didn’t trip. I know how hard it is for me to respond to every phone call or txt message that passes my eyes. Still…



On Thursday, the cousin in question sent me a message saying that the party was cancelled. Again, I wasn’t upset. I had already made alternate plans. It was nothing. No hard feelings. No regrets… Maybe some other time…



Then today I go and do some Saturday afternoon facebooking. Nothing major. And I see a picture of my cousin at the party that was supposed to be cancelled.



I don’t understand. If the party was cancelled on Thursday what happened between then and Friday that changed and didn’t warrant you to call and inform me of it. Was the party ever really cancelled? Did you really want me to come? Where you that desperate to have something to talk about you made up this scheme in your head? What’s the reason?



Why invite someone to a party that you didn’t want them to come to in the first place? Did you think that you were doing me a favor? Why my life may not be as exciting as it use to be, but I am in no way pressed to tag along with you and some random lames that I don’t know. Cousin or not, I am not that pressed. Not now. Not ever.

I mean I can’t tell you the last school sponsored party I was excited to go to, or excited enough to invite people to come to. How about we get out and see the real world. How about we hit the bar or a club, or somewhere without parental supervision! How about we stop trying to do me favors and get our own shit together. How about we stop acting like were 5 and fighting in this invisible competition that only you seem to care about.



When was the last time I went out of my way to fucking say anything to you or about you? I don’t even have your number saved in my phone from the last bullshit you tired to pull. And yet you find a way to weasel your bitch ass back into my life and frustrate me for no reason. WHY DON’T YOU JUST DIE? That was a bit much. Why don’t you waste someone else’s time with you pointless unnecessary lies?



I’m sure you have friends at your school that will love to have you lie to them and waste their time. I’m getting to old for that bullshit.



I thought you were too.



Maybe not.



KD