Who Knew?

Who knew that my semester away from school would lead me to a full time teaching position at a bootleg Christian charter school (mental note, never mention blog to any of my co-workers). This job only makes me miss school more. I miss school. I can’t say that enough. I thought becoming a teaching assistant would help quench this thirst for an academic setting, it hasn’t. Now Im stuck teaching a bunch of high school student, when Im not even really sure what Im doing. Im trying my best, and my best is a shit load better than what they were getting before. It’s still not enough. I just know that the education gap is wide and it’s getting wider everyday because of school like the one I work for. Its just sad. I really just want to take these kids to my old high school and show them what real learning looks like. At best I can imitate what I learned in college education classes and the tips I learned in high school that I use today. I still can’t give them the foundation they need. They have no will. No desire. No resources. And as much as I would love to bend over backwards and give them what I know they will need to make it post-high school. I can’t, not at the capacity that I would like to. It’s just unfair. I wish so much for those kids and myself. This may be the only time in my life where I regret my decision not to become a teacher, but my heart is not in it. Its still not, and I have become what I hated most, a teacher who’s only in it for the money. I can argue why my circumstances are much different but I won’t.

I just have to hang in there until January and maybe some of my charm will rub off on them. Maybe not.

STRESSED,

KD