Keep Moving Forward

Tomorrow I am supposed to watch the cousin that refuses to listen and is more stubborn than anything God breathed life into. I’m watching him for the aunt that fails to see the beauty in his stubborn. Tomorrow is going to be one hell of a day. Did I mention the skin infection that he has? I’m not scared. I don’t think. They have on demand and starz. There is only HBO at home. Starz has better movies but no Sex and the City. I watched the entire 6thseason in one day. It was what I like to call quality TV. I love the red headed one, don’t know her name but, I like her. I think when my cash flow is consistent I will go rent the other 5 seasons. However, for my cash flow to be corrected I would have to get a job. FUCK THE ECONOMY,and where is my stimulus check it would really come in handy right about now. I have a storage, and phone bill, and I happen to owe one of the nicest and most generous people I know $60 dollars. It sucks. I hate lying. Yet, I am a liar. I used to believe that my biggest fault was my pride. Its not. My biggest fault is my inability to tell the truth. Let me correct that. I take that back I can tell the truth a few times, but I am a story teller. Its my gift and my curse. I am a victim of an over active imagination. An adapter, a people pleaser; hell, I might even be a sociopath. I really don’t believe that. But how do I expect you to when I just told you I’m a liar. But I know why I lie. I’ve always known. I lie to fill the empty. To dodge the rejection. To shield from the hurt. I lie because its easy. Thats the truth. I must admit Im good at lying. I know when they don’t really work. I know when I’ve said to much and not enough. I know how to string lies along to create what I like to consider fictional masterpieces; both written and oral. You would be surprised what I can do with a photo and the right motive. I could create entire life times and personalities and carry them off flawlessly. Still buried beneath all the smoke and mirrors. Is the scared little boy in the Dc row house surrounded by drunkenness, knives, crack, and wondering where home was. Trying to remember how good it felt to run barefoot around the culdasack fill with the elderly who love you like their own. I will always be that little boy. Eight year old. The one who ate to hide and packed on the pounds to protect the fragile often confused and Ethiopian frame, and when the food wasn’tenough the one who told the stories with the amazing imagination. The one with the smile and the manners. The one who never showed real emotion. The boy who now sits at this computer and finds strength in a poet who is not afraid to admit the fault and the beauty in it and the boy who found inspiration to write this from a Disney movie and a quote from Walt Disney telling him to “keep moving forward”. Right now I am a liar and I will be one until I tell the truth. It shall set me free. But, not yet. I am not ready. Not today. I can admit that. thats truth enough for me right now.



A mess and a masterpiece,



KD