Fear Fucked

It fell out of the sky like, a Sunday morning hang over punch to the gut. When did you have time to scoop this one? What happened to missing me, or us? Why do I care? It was me who pushed and gently placed you back burner to simmer. I almost expected you to wait forever for me. Guess forever only lasted until Wednesday night. Damn! How blind of me. How cruel of you. Facebook sucks! Broadcast my hurt feelings across laptop screens and how do you expect me to act. You know my feelings shatter easier than pond ice at noon. Thank God for this screen, saving me the embarrassment of a public meeting, because suicide sounds better . At least in the privacy of this room I can wipe my egg stained face and re-group. OK, seriously like, didn’t you like our cat and mouse game? I though we enjoyed being each others back-burner, late-night phone call counterpart. Never officially official. Is that not the agreement we made? We played the field but you were always my first choice. Still are. Now, where do we stand? Can’t call and pretend to be happy for you. I’m not, and it kills me even more because you don’t know that I know what I know. THIS SUCKS! YOU SUCK! You make me wish for the numbness of Patron shots, so drunk dialing would be forgiven in the morning. I don’t need to drink. I want one, but I don’t need it. I just remember… how fears always fucks me out of my hearts desire. You. Congratulations are in order, but not from me. I’m just not that big of a person. I’m OK. I guess. Just the rest of my back burner options suck. Selfish I know. I’m working on it. NOT!